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Here, in our graveyard of comedy, are the old and outdated articles from this website's checkered past.


Audio Update

Amateur radio show mocking pop culture. A podcast before they even existed. Ran 11/5/02 to 1/30/03.


Comic Strip

One of the worst comics ever made. Tacky, poorly drawn, and delightfully offensive, it was one of this site's most popular features. Ran 10/10/02 to 12/2/03.


Friday Drink Recipe

Strange and unusual mixed drinks, many submitted by readers. Sixty-nine recipes in all. Ran 11/15/03 to 4/30/04.


Ghetto Weather

One of the dumbest features ever invented for this site. Every week, weather information and rude comments were posted about a different city in the United States. Ran 23 weeks, but I can't remember when.


Headlines

A daily updated mini section of the site where people could read the scanned front page of six different major newspapers. Last edition was 10/4/02.


Perverted Poll

One of the longest running features of the site. Every week, a different poll question was asked. Most questions were quite ridiculous and profane. One hundred and twelve polls in all.


Photo of the Week

Being a part-time professional photographer, Paul posted a different photo he had taken each week. Unfortunately, he had trouble taking enough good photos, and the feature wasn't very popular. Ran 5/30/02 to 10/3/02.


Site Index

Just a navigational tool that lists all the pages included in this site. It's no longer updated.


Site Photo Index

Another navigational tool that lists all the photos included in this site. It's no longer updated.


Site Media Index

Another navigational tool that lists the movies, music, and downloads included in this site. It's no longer updated.


Thursday Surprise

Sometimes it was a flash movie, sometimes a strange audio recording, and sometimes just a very weird visual piece. No matter what it was, this feature was a favorite of readers. Ran 2/13/03 to 11/20/03.
 

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Date Frank Haataja

Paul's friend Frank didn't want or need a date, but Paul created a dating webpage for him anyway. Everything listed on the page is completely false. Has it gotten Frank a date yet? Probably not.


Don Foton, professional asshole

Let Don Foton send nasty anonymous e-mails to people you hate. They'll never know it was you.


I hate fat women

A childish essay discussing why it's right to hate fat people.


Let's invade Canada

Canada dumps all their annoying movie stars and musicians into our country. It's time for payback.


List of idiots

The first feature ever created for this site. It's mainly just a list of people Paul knew back in 1997.


Paul's breakfast

A short, one week list of what Paul had for breakfast. Canned peas? What the hell?


Hate mail

Back before Paul wrote regular humor columns, he only got hate mail once in a while. So he posted it. Now he gets so much hate mail, he dedicates entire Ramblings columns to it.


Siberian bastard

Paul found the personal website of a man from Siberia. The man's English wasn't very good, so Paul encouraged others to mock him. The man eventually shut down his site, probably because he learned enough English to understand all the nasty things people were saying in his comments section.


Survey Sez

Another early feature of this site, which allowed readers to answer inane and insulting questions.


The roast

When Paul graduated from college, where he ran the student newspaper, one of his reporters wrote a touching, yet incredibly embarrassing tribute to him. It includes interviews with friends, enemies, and even the chancellor of the school. Published 12/5/01.


Tom Heuer, famous artist

Hand-drawn "paintings" of people eating poop, fisting cats, and having sex with cows. This artwork was the precursor to the comic strip.