Note: This column was written during my senior year of high school, and published in the Spartan Spotlite.
The film festival. Let’s think about the word “festival.” The word would normally indicate that there would be a festival of films, as in more than one film. But wait! There was only one film okayed for the RHS film festival! What’s going on? Well I’ll tell you. First of all, there was my movie. They said it was bashing homosexuals. That is completely false. There was a part about Dick’s Barber Shop that involved someone promoting the shop. The people he promoted it to thought that he was inquiring about whether they liked something else. So they punched him. Now yes, it did refer to homosexuality, but it would have been the same way if I had gotten a woman to walk by and get the sales pitch. She would have punched him. There was just a lack of females that wanted to act in a movie. So I had to use males for most of the parts. Honestly – if anyone got asked if they liked Dick’s Barber Shop (Without the promoter mentioning the barber shop part), they would punch the guy, males and females alike. The second problem was a swear word. I told the administration that I could go back and cut off the sound from that part. The character who swore was wearing a mask, and you couldn’t tell when his mouth was moving – so removing the line wouldn’t have hurt the movie any. I also told them that I would that I would cut out the Dick’s Barber Shop scene, but they said no, that there was also lots of violence in the movie. So let me ask you this – would your teachers object to showing “Three Stooges” videos in class (Besides the fact that it has nothing to do with anything in school)? No. Well hey, that’s all that my movie’s violence was – a guy in a Batman suit doing goofy fights with other strange and goofy people. Batman fighting against a guy with a spatula is hardly offensive.
Josh Hukriede’s movie, “The Pusher,” was also censored. They said that it had people smoking in it. Has our school shown movies where people smoke? Yes, about a thousand times. In fact, if they don’t want the other members of our Richfield community to get a bad impression of our school then they should get rid of all those smokers out on the corner at lunchtime. They’d probably say that showing smoking in one of the movies would be kind of glorifying it, making it seem okay. Well that’s exactly what we’re doing by letting those kids smoke outside on the corner without bothering to confront them. We’re saying “Hey, it’s fine to smoke out there – don’t worry, we won’t bother you.” Meanwhile, people who live by the school, and people coming to visit us or just driving by get a bad impression of our school. So why is the administration worried about showing a bad impression of Richfield to people for about half and hour, when we’re giving a bad impression to people all day long every day? No school has perfect students, but I feel that our school is about as close to perfect as you can get. All schools have a few bad kids, and if our community can’t realize this, then they need to open their eyes. They need to see other schools and hear from people who live around other schools. Then, and only then, will they realize what a great, clean shcool we have here at RHS. The true reason for banning our movies is because if the taxpayers don’t like it, then the school could stand a chance of losing taxpayer money. A small price to pay for some creative movies.
The last movie was Ryan McKeown’s “Bingo Parlor.” I’ve only seen parts of it, but it seems to be a pretty funy movie. The swearing is extremely bad though. I can understand their concern about this one being on Paragon cable. That’s why I believe that this film festival shouldn’t have been on t.v. That way the administration wouldn’t have to worry about impressions and such. Either way, these movies took a lot of time and effort. I’m not sure about the other movies, but I know that mine took about 40 hours of filming, plus over $50 spent on props and clothes. I have said what I needed to say on this subject and I’m done now. So on to the silly stuff.
Well, I’m 18 now, and yes it is a big deal. It’s not because of what you can do, it’s mostly just knowing you can do these things. I actually haven’t taken advantage of any of the priveledges of being 18, but I feel really happy just knowing that I could if I wanted to. And I feel even better knowing that I can and you can’t. So there. Well, maybe just knowing that you juniors, sophomores, and freshmen can’t. But anyways, I’m really proud. Though I lied before. I did buy a couple of lottery tickets. I felt so proud and happy showing that ID of mine. In fact, I feel so proud that I show ID for everything, whether it’s needed or not. Buying lottery tickets, milk at the store, getting dog food, PG movies, when I get change for a dollar, going through the school lunch line, when I buy another gun . . .
Speaking of buying guns to get revenge, did you hear about that whole yearbook thing? That we won’t get them until summer? Yeah I know, old news right? Well out of the old news comes my new solution. You see, I’ve realized over the years that people don’t really care about most of the autographs they get in their yearbook. They usually just want a few certain people’s autographs, but end up getting a bunch more either by force or because they want to be popular. So I’ve decided that we should get rid of all those unwanted autographs, and just get the one we want. Steve Eckerman’s. It’s the only autograph you really want anyway, so here’s your chance to get it. Enclosed in this special edition of “Ramblings” is a special edition, previously unreleased picture of Stevie. Bring it to him to be signed, so you’ll not only get a personal greeting from him (Like you would on an autograph page), you’ll also get a cool picture as a visual aid. This quality picture shows Steve doing what he does best – acting tough. It’s not in 3D, but it still almost seems to jump out at you, as if he were saying “What you want punk?!” directly to your face. And best of all, it’s free. Unlike the yearbook and their $3 yearbook pages (What are they, made of solid gold?). So go get the autograph you want, need, and possibly will kill for.
For this last issue I’ve decided to be crude. Not crude enough to be thrown in jail, like I want, but crude enough to make you think I’m a complete jerk. So here it goes. Now, not to say that I’m not ugly, and not to say that everyone in Richfield is better looking than everyone in other schools, but anyone who went on the Physics Valleyfair field trip can tell you that there were some incredibly UGLY people there. The place seemed to be filled with weirdo goon people. It was scary. The normal carefree family-type crowd usually seen at Valleyfair was now replaced by – by…strange weirdos with calculators and little doo-hickeys that measure balance and crap, and people with papers and pens – doing homework! KILL ME! KILL ME NOW!!! Since when do we do homework outside of school? We’re seniors (Except for Max Cecil– he went too)! It was fun, though. We all went around going on rides and ridiculing the ugly kids that were doing homework. Then I bought one of those fighting nun toys. And then I left, being one of 200+ people on the single bus we had. Multiple neck injuries were sustained by the riders, and one person even fell out the back window. But nobody liked that kid anyway, so that’s okay. But there’s one last problem. I left my fighting nun toy in the t.v. productions room, and haven’t gotten it back yet. You TV peoples – leave my nun alone! Otherwise I’ll kidnap Neal Malmanger and force him to eat acorns from my front yard until he goes completely crazy, and just walks around all day collecting bugs and eating tin foil. And it can happen Neal. Oh yes – it certainly can.
Speaking of tin foil, all of us seniors are leaving soon. Now you all know I love school, but let me just say “I’m FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!” It’s time to find out who’s going where, so here we go:
MN. School of Bartending……….1,000 people
University of Minnesota……….30 people
Wisconsin Eau Claire……….10 people
Harvard……….negative 5 people
Quebec School of Drag Racing……….Pat Nicholson
So school’s over now, you’ll be getting your yearbook – if God allows. You can finally go around wearing a cap, you can finally stop learning useless crap. So forget all the games you’ve lost and won, for it’s time to go get some well-needed sun. Summer jobs – burgers to fry, or get the family together for a good old-fasioned drive by (According to the Edina folks, we live in “the ghetto”). A time when your don’t have to do math, a time when you won’t have to take a bath. Go have fun outside with your friend Dave, while the computer nerds go back to their caves. Think of memories that won’t be forgotten, leave things in your locker that’ll go rotten. Toss your locker trash in the hall, take everything you learned – and forget it all. Juniors can enjoy their senior perks, and be glad they’re not off to college – where they’ll have to WORK! Watch the incoming freshmen bumming rides, watch the ex-juniors start their senior slides. Then slide along, having fun, ever-wishing that your year was done. Talk of how your high school days go so fast, as you suddenly realize . . . that today’s your last.
THANKS FOR ALL THE FUN THIS YEAR!
(The end of Ramblings – high school)