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Archives: Nov 1998

All The Crap Goes On The Back Page

Note: This column was written during my sophomore year at the University of Wisconsin-Superior, and published in the Promethean.

On November 12, 1998 there was a contest. Two men who will remain anonymous (Tom Heuer and Chad Gustafson) had a wager on who could drink the most Sunny Delight. For those who don’t know, Sunny Delight is a lightly textured beverage that has vitamins A, B1, and C, and tends to make me “go” a lot. Well, as stupid as this is already, it gets worse. They decided that their abilities were about even, and they both should suffer the consequences. Basically, this involved running up and down the hallways of the Crownhart building in their boxer shorts, doing cartwheels. This is my top story. This is the only news I have. If someone doesn’t send me a story soon, I’ll have to replace this column with crude, childish drawings that will surely offend everyone. It’s okay though, because printing this story only proves even more that all the crap goes on the back page.