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Archives: May 1999

You Know Better Than To Read This

Note: This column was written during my sophomore year at the University of Wisconsin-Superior, and published in the Promethean.

Okay, so I lied. I said I wasn’t going to do another column, but it was brought to my attention that a joke issue of the Promethean (INSERT SARCASTIC REMARK ABOUT QUALITY OF PAPER HERE) wouldn’t be complete without it. But wait, there’s more. This issue, we only have three writers writing for us (LOAD GUN WITH BULLETS). We usually have at least seven or eight people, so just sit and think for a while about a regular Promethean with 62.5% less quality! (PUT GUN TO HEAD) Then think about this: the three writers are me, Chad Gustafson, and another person who’s never written before! (REALIZE GUN IS ONLY SQUIRT GUN, CRY A LOT). Of course, I’m only joking. I think this paper and its writers have made incredible progress. On the other hand, this column has stayed the same, adding nothing more to society and culture than retched poo jokes and sarcastic, inaccurate comments about people I’ve never met. I would like to mention some of my good points, though: