Note: This column was written during my junior year at the University of Wisconsin-Superior, and published in the Promethean.
Hey folks! It’s me, Paul Ryan! Return this swell survey to the Promethean office (behind the stage in the snack bar) and I’ll buy you a free drink! No joke! It’s super!
Q: When do you read the Promethean?
___ As soon as it comes out
___ Whenever I get around to it
___ During boring classes
___ When I’m drunk
Q: What was your favorite Ramblings this school year?
___ the safer sex week pornography extravaganza (Mar.)
___ the “Paul sucks at every sport ever invented” issue (Feb.)
___ the one where I pretended to be Burt Reynolds (Dec.)
___ the one where I made fun of you losers for never voting (Nov.)
___ the picnic table by the dumpster behind Burger King issue (Oct.)
Q: Which of these pictures offends you most?
Q: Draw a picture of Paul Ryan in the space below (what you think he looks like):
Q: Do you like Queen Latifah?
Q: What is today’s date?
___ August 14
___ July 31
___ December 25
Q: Where would you like to punch Richie from the television show “Family Matters”?Richie
___ in the face
___ in the stomach
___ in the balls
___ in his greasy hair
Q: Who should I draw a picture of for my next column?
___ Bruce Kasden, Professor
___ Chris Voltzke, Senate President
___ Barton Sutter, Professional Bowler
___ Scott White, Senator
___ Aaron J. Brown, Walmart Greeter
Q: How do you like your Erlenbach?
___ Chancellor Erlenbach
___ french horn player Erlenbach
___ king of hip-hop Erlenbach
Q: Does my ass look fat in these pants?
Come have a drink on Scott Bai….I mean, Paul Ryan. Just print out this questionnaire and return it to:
1800 Grand Ave.
Superior, WI 54880
(Address is no longer in use.)