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Archives: Oct 2000

Get out of my parking spot…punk

Note: This column was written during my senior year at the University of Wisconsin-Superior, and published in the Promethean.

Paul Ryan, Columnist

In an effort to solve my parking problems (not your parking problems, for I could care less where you losers park), yesterday I clearly and precisely, in big letters, printed “PAUL’S PARKING SPOT” in chalk on one of the spaces in the RSC lot.

After arriving today, let me say that whoever owns a green mid-90s Chevy Cavalier with Wisconsin plates is in deep trouble for stealing my spot.

Speaking of stealing and thievery, this is a segue about stealing and thievery.

Touch Paul Ryan and get a damn quarter

Note: This column was written during my senior year at the University of Wisconsin-Superior, and published in the Promethean.

Paul Ryan, Columnist

Today’s a very special day. I’m not wasting your time blabbing about my Scott Baio fan club like I usually do. No, today (‘today’ being about two weeks long, since that’s how often this paper comes out) I’m holding a fundraiser to support the most needy cause I can think of: you.

I’m sick of you, all prissy-like with your comb and your brush and your daily showers. This is Superior. We don’t do that here. You need to go away.