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Archives: Nov 2000

Guess what…shut up! Things I hate

Note: This column was written during my senior year at the University of Wisconsin-Superior, and published in the Promethean.

Paul Ryan, Columnist

Do you know what I hate? Of course you don’t! And since it’s now the Christmas season, and I’m feeling especially bitter, depressed and anxious to take it all out on others, I’m forcing you to sit and listen to a list of things that I really hate. Enjoy my pain!

Tipper Gore put Roofies in my mint julip, and now I can’t find my pants

Note: This column was written during my senior year at the University of Wisconsin-Superior, and published in the Promethean.

Paul Ryan, Columnist

What? What’s going on? I’m so groggy and confused…where’s my pants? All I remember is going out to “Hall of Fame” with Tipper after her speech here at UWS. She was saying that she usually goes to the “End Zone” to pick up guys, because they’re the most pathetic and desperate, and then everything got fuzzy.

Now, here I am, waking up behind “The Cove” with no pants on and a “Vote Gore” button pinned to my shirt…cool!