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Archives: Oct 2001

An open letter to the guy who stole my checkbook

Note: This column was written during my final semester at the University of Wisconsin-Superior, and published in the Promethean.

Paul Ryan, Columnist

I wasn’t upset when you stole my checkbook. I wasn’t upset when you spent $1,000 of my money. I wasn’t upset when you racked up almost $100 worth of overdraft fees on my account either, but I am pretty pissed off that you decided to use my money to shop at T.J. Maxx.

Do you realize what this does to my image? T.J. flippin’ Maxx? Come on! Right now, dozens of bank employees, T.J. Maxx cashiers, and possibly even police officers actually may think that I shop there!

This column is way gooder than your bestest column

Note: This column was written during my final semester at the University of Wisconsin-Superior, and published in the Promethean.

Paul Ryan, Columnist

Well, since both the Ripsaw and the Northland Weekly Readerthingy or whatever the hell they call it now have had surveys for “best in the area” stuff, I’ve decided that I’m going to do the same thing. The only difference is, I’m not letting any of you vote. There are two reasons for this:

1. None of you little S.O.B.’s would turn in a vote anyway, so it’d be pointless.
2. I don’t care what you think, because I’m a big jerk.