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Archives: Jul 2003

Look at my moustache! I said look at it, damnit!

Ha ha! My moustache, it is curly, no? YES! YES IT IS!! It is sinister and sexy like donkey after too much liquor! Donkey! Sexy! Striped tie!

My eyes match my moustache. Eye on right is opened farther than eye on left. Looks like I thinking. Maybe thinking about lover lady with which I smooch. It hard to smooch, I nervous, I have to hold in big fart all date long.

Look at me! I use curling iron on moustache. Without moustache to draw attention, everyone notice how ugly my face is. Without moustache, I look Republican, but with moustache, I look carnival ride operator. Tilt-a-whirl make me pee like racehorse with biggest balls!

Vote me for moustache! I am curly moustache sexy boy man!


No, look at my moustache!

Ho hoooo! My moustache is better than play naked Twister with your ape mother. Mine is like other guy’s, but mine is straight, like wind has blown each side in separate direction. I use mousse and pee for make it stay straight.

Old man with curly moustache try to steal donkey from my big pants. He all gray hair and stinky. He need “Just For Men”, probably on pube too. He smell like dead fart in elevator. I smell like alive fart in open meadow with Kenny G song on radio.

I need haircut, but I no need moustache cut. Moustache cut is for your sister. She have fuzzy lip and hairy back. I ride on donkey, poop pants like Gary Cooper fart machine!


Different moustache is better moustache!

I have independent moustache! No curly or straight! No need to pick from one side or other! Pick my moustache of independent! Stupid face and emo glasses no hide moustache. Bad poopy jacket no hide moustache. Moustache overpower even me.

I keep food in moustache. Save for later. Peas, broccoli, Fruity Pebble cereal. All in moustache. I keep milk for cereal in nose. I honk it out in bowl and eat. Tainted wieners! Acme wieners! Tainted wieners! Don’t eat, Tony! Don’t eat Acme tainted wiener! Uh oh!

New girlfriend say I look like Tom Cruise. Ex-girlfriend say I look like Tom Cruise in movie “Born on the Fourth of July”. That okay. She have moustache too. When she kiss her grandma, it look like two bearded lumberjacks.


What the hell? What the f**king hell?!?

What the f**k is this?!? A moustache contest?!? Paul Ryan, you’re about to f**king die! I’ll wreak vengeance on this stupid f**king website, and come over and cram a f**king candlestick in your ass!

What? WHAT?? I do not have horse teeth, you little bitch! And my expressions are not pale and lifeless, motherf**ker! Arrrgghhh! I’ll rip your groin out with my teeth! Arrrgghhh! ARRRGGHHHHH! ME ANGRY! ARRRGGHHHH!