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Archives: May 2006

I am a professional at moving your shit

I will move your shit for you. I will move your shit fast like the dickens. Your shit will move so fast that you will gasp loudly and say, “My shit moved fast.” I will move your shit to the exact fucking location where you specify. I will charge a fee that will not fucking upset you.

I will drink many glasses of water the night before I come to move your fucking shit. That way I will not be hung-over. I will not huff the Sharpie markers you use to label your shit. I will put all your shit in my awesome van and fucking move it. My van is fucking awesome for moving all your biggest fucking shit.

I will not scratch or fuck up your shit when I move it. I will not take your pristine shit and fuck it all to hell. If your shit is fucked up, it is because your shit was already fucking broken. I am as reliable as all fucking hell.