God: Would it be funny if I flooded the Twin Ports?
YHWH: Um . . . no? Not really.
Allah: Seems kinda dickish.
God: I’m bored, though. When does the next Xbox come out?
Buddha: November 2013.
God: Goddamn it.
Vishnu: Hey! Language!
God: Sorry, it’s a really catchy phrase. Sometimes I forget that we’re all Gods.
Vishnu: If you’re bored, you could read a book.
God: Yeah, reading . . . that’s not really a thing anyone does anymore.
Buddha: Meditation will clear your mind and cleanse your soul.
God: I’m not really comfortable being that guy.
Buddha: What guy?
God: Y’know, one of those guys who are all earthy and do yoga shit. Creepy.
Buddha: Look, I hate to oversimplify my own techniques, but meditation is literally just being quiet. Just sit on the floor and shut up for a while and boom, you’re instantly less of an asshole than usual.
God: Guuuuuys, I’m boooooored.
YHWH: Only boring people get bored.
God: Yeah, that sounds like something a guy with a beard would say.
YHWH: (touches beard defensively) What?
Judy Garland: Hello everyone! Isn’t it such a wonderful day?
Allah: What the hell is this lady shit? No girls allowed!
Vishnu: I’m sorry, who are you?
Judy Garland: I’m Judy Garland! I’m worshipped by the gays!
Judy Garland: Look, you can’t flood the Twin Ports. Those people have been through so much already. I’m pretty sure they didn’t get the internet until like a week ago.
God: What if I were to make the flooding cute? Like if a bunch of zoo animals got out? Ooh, I’ll put a seal on Grand Avenue! People can take pictures and post them on Facebook!
YHWH: Aren’t most of the zoo animals in cages? Won’t they die?
God: Things float. Sometimes things float.
Judy Garland: I cannot abide this abuse of power. At least 70 percent of the Twin Ports is closeted gay people, and they’d be very upset if their Victorian furniture got wet.
God: What if I had someone give the seal an amusing Twitter account?
Buddha: That sounds fun . . .
YHWH: I’m in.
Allah: Yes! Do it!
Vishnu: Vishnu is agreeable to this.
Allah: You don’t have to talk in the third person. We know who you are.
Vishnu: Do you? Vishnu receives very few holiday cards.
Multiple flushing noises are heard in the other room. A moment later, actor James Franco enters.
James Franco: Hey guys! I fell in the toilet!
God: Why do you keep showing up here? This is an exclusive club.
James Franco: I’m in everything, man. Every damn thing. Everywhere you look, there’s James Franco. Awesome.
YHWH: Ugh. Why? No one likes you.
James Franco: Nobody knows why. It’s kind of a mystery, since I suck.
Judy Garland: I’m sorry, I don’t want to be rude, but you just seem awful. I only met you two seconds ago, but I don’t like you at all. I just want to hit you with things.
James Franco: I know, right? Wanna bang anyway?
Judy Garland: No!
James Franco: Goddamn it.
God: Hey! Language!
James Franco: Sorry, it’s a very catchy phrase.
God: So are we doing this flood thing? Yay or nay?
James Franco: I left a flood in the bathroom.
YHWH: Please stop talking. No one likes you. You’re like a very handsome turd.
James Franco: Speaking of very handsome turds . . .
Judy Garland: Goddamn it, go away!
Allah: Hey! Language!
Judy Garland: What, I can’t say it? Everyone else said it. It’s very catchy.
YHWH: Um, why is water seeping out of the bathroom?
James Franco: I told you. I overflowed the toilet.
Buddha: It’ll all flood into the Twin Ports!
Vishnu: Why just the Twin Ports?
Buddha: Our restroom is positioned over Superior, WI. Strangely, it’s the only place where we can routinely dispose of our feces without anyone complaining.
Allah: The entire Northland is now flooded with James Franco’s waste?
Judy Garland: Oh no! Look! Those poor barnyard animals at the zoo are drowning in it!
James Franco: Awesome!
Duluth Mayor Donny Ness bursts into the room.
Donny Ness: All right, who’s the shitbag who flooded my town? Our roads are like paper mache, you assholes! Even a light drizzle makes them crumble into a million pieces! I’m gonna shove my whole fist up somebody’s butt. Who’s it gonna be?
All the gods point to James Franco.
James Franco: Hey man, if it makes you feel better, I could take my shirt off.
Donny Ness: Gaaaaaaaaaahh!
Ness picks up Franco and holds him high over his head, then slams him down over his knee, breaking Franco in half. Ness then uses the top half of Franco to plug the toilet, stopping the water. Ness washes his hands, neatly folds the towel back onto the towel rack, and whistles cheerfully as he leaves.
God: All right, but we’re still good on giving the seal a Twitter account, right?
The gods all nod in approval.
God: All right, cool. Problem solved.