Denial Cycle

As I think back
to a growing monster
that burned its claws
deep into my skin,
I wonder how
it ever stopped.

I page through memories
that I never want to see again,
that I wish were never there,
trying to find its source
and its cure.

Splashing my face
with cloudy cold water,
I stare into my own eyes,
red, swollen and sagging.
Dastardly, sickening, monster-like.
I stare deeper
than I ever have
or ever wanted to.

In one crazy notion,
I wonder if it's possible
that the answer
might be in the reflection.
And as I smash the mirror
into a thousand jagged pieces,
I secretly wonder
if I'm just wasting my time doing so.

all works on this page Copyright 2000 by Paul Ryan