The Dominique Moceanu Discussions: Column Two

Okay, reader, here's the deal. I'm going to show you the various doctored pictures and drawings of Dominique Moceanu that I have done, and you're going to promise not to slug me and call me a pig. Nope, sorry. You have to say yes first.

Okay, good.

We'll start out with the tamer ones, and then we'll move on to the more hideous ones. Either way, if there are kids in your household, stop right now and make sure they're all crowded around the computer, because they are going to love this.

So here's what's going to happen. I'm going to show you the four pictures, you're going to decide which one I should e-mail to Dominique Moceanu for her website's "pictures and art from fans" section, and then you're going to vote for it.

How do you vote for it? Well, I'll tell you how. You vote for it in the Ramblings section of the forum. Yes, the forum is on the links bar to your left. I've labeled it as "forum". If that's not easy enough for you, then you should go home and drink turpentine, because life won't get any easier.

So anyway, go to the forum and register yourself (if you haven't already), then click on the Ramblings section of the forum, where you will find the poll. You will be able to vote, and the winning picture will be sent to Moceanu. The voting ends on Saturday (August 3) at noon.

So let's get to the voting, shall we? Our first picture is perhaps the lamest one there is. In this one, I've inserted Dominique into the shower scene of the movie "Juwanna Mann". Yes, I know. Stop mocking my lame idea and just move on to the next one, okay?

Picture number two is just plain adorable. It's Dominique, but with mounds of ridiculous facial hair added. Personally, I'm quite proud of this one. If Cheech and Chong were gymnasts, they'd look like this (also: if Cheech and Chong were gymnasts, I would have never paid good money to rent their movies).

Oh, what could possibly come next? Well, picture three is a real treat. I asked world-famous artist and good friend of mine, Tom Heuer, to do one of his drawings that people are always talking about. Tom was nice enough to do a special picture of Dominique, just for this column. You'll notice that she's drunk off of "XXX" booze (my favorite brand), and that she's also falling onto a Coca-cola bottle. Yes, onto it, if you catch my drift. Hey, it wasn't my idea. Either way, I'm sure Dominique would smile if she saw this one.

For anyone who wants to see more of Tom Heuer's fine artwork, you can find some archived on this site right here.

So what's picture number four? Well, it's a little something I did with Photoshop. Personally, this is my favorite picture of all, because it involves our beloved logo character, Uncle Phil. He's about to get head from Dominique. And yes, that is an actual picture of her. I took it from a photo on her website where she's blowing out birthday candles. I say it's her own damn fault.

I hope you enjoyed today's pictures. Remember that voting ends on Saturday at noon, so be sure to get yours in. It's important that we all do our part for this column.

(By the way, this is the 100th Ramblings column. Not as cool as number 69, but it'll do.)