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Warning: include(/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/129.php on line 48 Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening '/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php:/usr/local/php5/lib/pear') in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/129.php on line 48 Disturbing Column for Tuesday, September 10 ...................Paul Ryan
P.A. Announcer: Now batting for the Oakland Athletics, David Justice. Drunk Guy #1: Dude, it’s Dave Justice. Didn’t he used to be married to actress Halle Berry? Drunk Guy #2: Yeah. She’s hot. Drunk Guy #3: She was naked in those two movies. Yeah. Cool. Drunk Guy #4: Let’s heckle him. Drunk Guy #1: Swordfish! Swooooordfiiiiiish! Saw your ex-wife’s tits in Swoooooooooooordfiiiiiiiiiish! Umpire: Strike one! Drunk Guy #2: Monster’s Ball! Saw your ex-wife f*cking Billy Bob Thorton in Moooooooonnster’s Baaaaaaall! Umpire Strike two! Drunk Guy #3: Wifebeater! WIFEBEATER! Hey! Hey you! Dave Justice! Wiiiiiiife Beeeeeeater! Metrodome Vendor: Fruit plate! Get your fruit plate here! Only $8! Only sold in the rich seats behind home plate! Fruuuuuuuit plaaaaate! Drunk Guy #4: Hey! Hey Justice! Introducing Dorothy Dandridge! Saw your ex-wife naked in Introducing Dorothy Dandridge!
Drunk Guy #1: What the hell did you just say? Drunk Guy #4: Introducing Dorothy Dandridge. Halle Berry played her in a film which not only showed her breasts, but also boosted her to a star-studded career. Dandridge, legendary as one of the first mainstream black actresses from the 1930s and 40s, was the premier minority American actress of her generation. She could act, she could sing, she could dance; she had it all! She was discriminated against widely, and the white men would only toy with her, instead of taking her seriously and marrying her. Later, she became ill and bankrupt, but recovered in the late 60s and started a comeback before her untimely death. But was it suicide or an accidental death? The world may never know. Janet Jackson and Whitney Houston both hold the movie rights to separate autobiographical books written about Dorothy Dandridge. It's quite amazing that most Americans of this day and age have never heard of her.
Drunk Guy #2: HE'S TURNED SISSY! GET HIM!
Drunk Guy #3: Okay, let's get back to harassing Dave Justice. Drunk Guy #1: Right on. Hey Dave! Dave! Look at me, I'm Eric Benet! Look at me, I'm humping your ex-wife! Yaaaaaaa! Humpity-humpity-humpity-humpity-hump! Drunk Guy #2: Hey Dave! Pretend I'm your wife and come beat me! Whoooooooo! Beat me again Dave, beat me again! Drunk Guy #3: Yeah! Yeah! Hey Dave, nice ass!
Drunk Guy #1: Dude, what did you just say? Drunk Guy #3: What? You don't think he has a nice ass? Look at it. It's adorable.
Drunk Guy #2: HE'S A POOF! GET HIM! GET THE POOOOOOOOOOOF! POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF!
Drunk Guy #1: All right, then. So . . . Drunk Guy #2: Yeah . . .
Drunk Guy #1: So what do we do now? Drunk Guy #2: I don't know. Wanna make out?
Drunk Guy #1: That's it. I'm so out of here.
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Setting: Minnesota Twins baseball game. Date: Unknown.
