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Mr. Hick ...................Paul Ryan
Some hick apparently found the column I did about the horse pull (Column 88, July 15, "I Went to an Illegal Horse Pull", and decided to e-mail me about it without really reading it fully. Here's the full e-mail I got:
MESSAGE SENT THROUGH YOUR WEBSITE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Date/Time of Posting: Oct 01 2002 / 22:10:35
userid = fudde message = I love hearing from collage pussies like you.I have draft horses & oxen.I work the them everyday.When people tell me "That's cruel" I tell them my oxen can live with me or they can live in little white packages.Which do you think they you would perfer? It's not really any of your business.But if it is,bring your little collage protesting punk ass to TEXAS,BOY!We will show you what we think of little bitches. PS. After a long life of faithful service,I bet my oxen will taste real good!
It's unfortunate that Mr. Hick didn't leave an e-mail address. If he had, we could have strung along this crap for an entire week. Anyway, I have a few questions for Mr. Hick. Hopefully, he'll see this column as well. Question 1: I visited www.kickyourass.com, and it was just a bunch of ads. Jerk. Question 2: I'm sorry, question one wasn't really a question. Anyway, so am I a "college" boy, as in an "institution of learning" boy, or a "collage" boy, as in an "artistic composition of materials and objects pasted over a surface" boy? Question 3: Why would someone tell you it's cruel to work oxen? When did I? Question 4: Do the packages they come in have to be white? Question 5: I know it's not any of my business. Now please stop going on and on and on and on and on and on about it. I'm sorry, that's not a question either. Damn, I'm bad at this. Question 6: Why would I want to go to Texas? I don't have any oxen. Or draft horses. Or problems with spelling. Question 7: If you love hearing from "collage" people like me, then why are you so mad at me? Question 8: Do you have sex with your oxen? Does it feel weird, or do you get used to it when you start doing it as a kid?
Once again, I doubt he'll find this column. But if any of you are heading to Texas anytime soon, look for a big hick who appears to own oxen. I'm sure there's not too many people who fit those qualities in Texas.
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Okay, I don't normally do this, but today is a special occasion. I just got possibly the dumbest e-mail I've ever received. I know we did a letters column yesterday, but this one deserves it's own column.
