Casablanca

You've got to listen to me. Do you have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten we'd both wind up in a concentration camp.

Ilsa: You're only saying this to make me go.

I'm saying it because it's true. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life.

Ilsa: But what about us?

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

Ilsa: Excuse me?

You heard me.

Ilsa: Um, yes, but that's a quote from "Gone With the Wind." This is "Casablanca."

But I like "Gone With the Wind."

Ilsa: Yes, but you can't deliberately steal from another movie. You have to use the script provided for you.

I like Clark Gable. Can I have a mustache in this movie, like Clark Gable did in "Gone With the Wind"?

Ilsa: Just stay on the script, you two-bit Warner Brothers hack!

All right, then. How about if I said this: Love, passion, obsession, all those things you told me to wait for, well, they've arrived. What are you afraid of? That I'll fall head over heels? Well, I already have.

Ilsa: Oh, that's nice. Did you make that up yourself?

No, actually I stole it from "Meet Joe Black."

Ilsa: THAT HASN'T BEEN FILMED YET, YOU IDIOT! This is 1942!

Good, then we can steal it.

Ilsa: Oh, you're simply awful. What will people think when this comes out?

People will think what I tell them to think!

Ilsa: Gee, Citizen Kane. That's original . . . what a dumb jerk.

I think I've heard about enough from you.

Ilsa: This is going to be the worst movie ever. Where's Bogart? Wasn't Bogart supposed to play this role?

Bogart passed on this role, and decided to do "Yankee Doodle Dandy" instead.

Ilsa: What?!?

You wouldn't know it by watching him, but he's a fantastic dancer. He moves like the wind, and he's got quiet shoes. Limber as the dickens, too.

Ilsa: Shut up, you idiot. My heavens, can't we at least get a real actor? I mean, look at you. You're an ugly little weasel with a head the size of a pumpkin. We need someone who's strong, handsome . . .

Ilsa?

Ilsa: Yes, what is it?

I'm Batman!

Ilsa: For goodness sake, stop quoting dumb movies from the future. This is 1942.

What, you don't like Michael Keaton?

Ilsa: Well, I was partial to the film "Mr. Mom," but . . . wait a second! STOP TRICKING ME LIKE THAT!

Hey, you know who Clark Gable kind of looks like?

Ilsa: Shut up.

He kinda looks like that guy from the Addam's Family movies, doesn't he? Doesn't he look like Gomez? Here, look at his picture.

Ilsa: You're an imbecile.

He does! You paused because you were thinking about it. You know it's true. Hey, where are you going?

Ilsa: To buy a gun so I can kill you.