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The Immediate Future: Part One! ...................Paul Ryan
In late 1996, the original editor of Daily Ramblings passed on, leaving a publication full of promise and people with multiple genetalia for the highest bidder. In 1997, I got drunk and purchased Daily Ramblings on Ebay for $1.47. Once I sobered up, I went into shock after realizing what I had done. My friends thought the situation was very comical, and began to laugh at me. At this point, I realized that transgendered people are hilarious, and should be exploited. The "new" Daily Ramblings was born. In recent years, Daily Ramblings has moved away from its "Ha ha, you're transgendered" content, but many who have both a weiner and lactating sets of dirty pillows have stayed on to read the columns and other features. In fact, over 60% of Daily Ramblings' readers are sexual freaks of nature. But what's coming next? What is going to be added to Daily Ramblings? Well, I'm here to answer those questions. I'm going to list off the things I'll be adding in the coming months. A translation (in italics) will be provided for people of a transgender nature, to help them relate better.
Yo quiero Uncle Phil sticker? Si, tres Uncle Phil stickers. One design will be "intellectual", one will be "political" and the other will be "pretty". So to put it plainly, all three of them will probably suck horribly . . . or will they? See how I keep the suspense going? See how I keep you on the edge of your seat? I own you. Transgender translation: There will be three new stickers. One of them will be intellectual, and another will be political. That means you transgender ladymen out there can let the stickers talk for you, so you can sound intelligent without the risk of having people laugh at your deep, deep voices.
Yes, a store will be opening sometime in the next week or two. Items for sale will include:
Transgender translation: A store will be opening sometime in the next week or two. You can buy boxers AND a thong, and wear them at the same time. That way, all your little groinage will be covered completely.
Starting December 14, anytime you're on a page in the Daily Ramblings site, you'll be able to stick your groin (men) or chest (women) on your computer screen, and an audio alert will automatically tell you how large your specific private part(s) are. If you press them against the glass and get no audio response, it means you're a gullible idiot. Okay, I made this one up. Everything else here is real, though. Transgender translation: You're transgendered! Ha ha ha ha! Freeeeeeak! Ha ha! Whew, that's funny stuff.
I've figured out how to use Macromedia Flash to build animated Christmas cards, and you'll be able to e-mail them to friends and family for free from this website. At this time, details are shaky on what the content of the cards will be, but you can bet the house that one of them will include Santa having sexual relations with Rudolph, while both sing a traditional Christmas tune. Transgender translation: There will be Christmas cards. They will be free and dirty. They will not, however, include any transgender people. My apologies.
That's all for now. If you want to comment on any of the updates I've mentioned, or offer suggestions for them, e-mail me and let me know. Other than that, have a good weekend, and stay away from Hoboken, NJ.
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Daily Ramblings was created in 1942 as a small transgender dating newsletter in Hoboken, NJ. In time, the publication became larger and more popular, attracting ads from singles as well-known as singer Frank Sinatra and Senator Joseph McCarthy.
