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Paul Tired! You Go Now! ...................Paul Ryan
Two of my articles scheduled for this week were based on items in the city council, so here I sit, 11 p.m., exhausted in my office. I typed two articles tonight, and that's after a three-hour council meeting. I deserve a hot cup of cocoa waiting for me at home, dangit. Or a whole bunch of ladies. Anyway, what should we do, reader? Yeah, I know I sound a kindergarten teacher strung out on meth. But that's kind of how I feel, so bear with me. Actually, that's just what the Hollywood portrayal of strung out meth teachers would be like. The real strung out meth teachers would probably tell the kids to shut up and throw their shoe at them. That's good, though, because I'd do the same thing. Except I'd also throw a spatula at them. What's that? What's that you say? Strung out meth teachers don't have spatulas? Of course they do. How else are they going to discipline kids and cook bacon for themselves? You can discipline with a switch, but you can't flip a fine piece of bacon with it. At least not without a lot of practice. But let's stop with the false facts about people from Hibbing, Minn. Let's get talking about whether or not this column is going to be funny. Do I have anything funny to say? No. Do I have anything clever to say? No. Do I even have something to say that I think is funny, but that will instead turn out to be just weird and disturbing? No, but I should, since two or three of my columns each week always seem to turn out that way. So what to do? All I've got floating around in my head is facts about flood-proof sewage grindage pumps and successful traffic flow on North Second Street. Did you know that "flood-proof" sewage grinder pumps are in fact only "water-resistant", and are not guaranteed to work when submerged underwater for over 30 days? Yes, it's true! What? F$@* me? Well, f$@* yourself! I don't have to impress you. How many words is this? Just about enough? Are we pretty much done? Right on, man. I'm going to bed.
Hey you! Want to become a guest columnist for dailyramblings.com? Paul has been writing daily columns online for six months now, and is planning to take a week off sometime soon. He needs people to submit columns that he can run while he takes a break. Here's some guidelines:
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Well, here we are again, reader. It's Tuesday night, which is deadline for yours truly, and I'm just finishing up. Monday was Veterans Day, which means the city council meeting was moved back to Tuesday, which is today.
