HAPPY PAUL'S GUIDE TO DVD BURNERS
(December 31, 2004)

LETTERS COLUMN 37: PEDOPHILIA IS NOT COOL
(December 29, 2004)

OH, WHAT A FRIGHTENING CHRISTMAS PRESENT I'VE RECEIVED
(December 27, 2004)

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU, DHL
(December 22, 2004)

THE HOSTS ON E! ARE SCARY CLOWN PEOPLE
(December 20, 2004)

THE GREAT CHRISTMAS CAPER 2004: PART ONE
(December 17, 2004)

DEAR SANTA, I DON'T WANT SOCKS
(December 15, 2004)

PLEASE HELP, LOVE CZECH
(December 13, 2004)

AARON J. BROWN IS GETTING A BABY
(December 10, 2004)

VOLVO ADMITS WOMEN CAN'T DRIVE, NEED SPECIAL CAR
(December 8, 2004)

I JUST HAD MY WISDOM TEETH PULLED
(December 3, 2004)

'RATE THE BACHELORS' WITH BOB & BILL
(December 1, 2004)

THANK YOU, NAKED PEOPLE AND GRILLED CHEESE LADY, FOR SUPPORTING THIS WEBSITE
(November 29, 2004)

REAL CONVERSATIONS FROM PAUL'S THANKSGIVING
(November 26, 2004)

I'M THANKFUL FOR MY FAMILY NOT BEATING ME OVER THIS COLUMN
(November 24, 2004)

I WANT TO SEE SENATOR BROWNBACK'S PORN COLLECTION
(November 22, 2004)

OPEN LETTERS
(November 19, 2004)

I CAN BE THE NORTHLAND'S WORST COLUMNIST
(November 17, 2004)

LETTERS COLUMN 37: SWEATER VESTS, CELEBRITIES, AND LIARS
(November 15, 2004)

MEET THE DAILY RAMBLINGS STAFF!
(November 12, 2004)

GOODBYE JOHN ASHCROFT! DON'T CHANGE YOUR HAIR! IT'S AWESOME!
(November 10, 2004)

PUSSY FIGHT 2004!
(November 8, 2004)

DEPRESSED? SEND IN THE CLOWNS! NO, NOT THOSE CLOWNS. THE BITTER, ABUSIVE ONES THAT SLAP THE KIDS AROUND
(November 5, 2004)

AS THE ELECTION ENDS, THE REAL AMERICA RETURNS
(November 3, 2004)

REMEMBER TO VOTE TUESDAY
(November 1, 2004)

KERRY OVER BUSH, A TWO-MINUTE EXPLANATION WHY
(October 29, 2004)

POLITICS ARE BORING. MURDERING HOOKERS IS A MUCH BETTER HOBBY
(October 27, 2004)

A FEW PRESENTS, JUST FOR YOU
(October 25, 2004)

UH OH. MY MOM IS READING THIS
(October 22, 2004)

ON THERE, RON THERE. ROGER THAT
(October 20, 2004)

COLT 45 DRAIN CLEANER. BILLY DEE WOULD BE PROUD
(October 18, 2004)

PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE III
(October 15, 2004)

PRETTY PEOPLE SHOULD DIE
(October 13, 2004)

CHICAGO IN PICTURES
(October 11, 2004)

I'M OFF TO CHICAGO, PEOPLE. WATCH THE POLICE REPORTS FOR MY NAME
(October 8, 2004)

FARIBAULT LOVES MINORITY KIDS, BUT I DOUBT MINORITY KIDS LOVE THEM
(October 6, 2004)

SCIENTISTS STUDYING LOCAL LOSER
(October 4, 2004)

THE DAILY RAMBLINGS PRESIDENTIAL DEBATES
(October 1, 2004)

SHIRTS I WOULD BUY IF I WEREN'T SAVING MONEY TO PURCHASE THE DISTRIBUTION RIGHTS TO "ERNEST GOES TO CAMP"
(September 29, 2004)

A COMPARISON OF ACTOR COREY HAIM, ACTOR COREY FELDMAN, AND NOBEL PRIZE LAUREATE ELIAS JAMES COREY
(September 27, 2004)

LOOK OUT NINTENDO, HERE'S SOME VIDEO GAMES OF MY OWN
(September 24, 2004)

TO HELL WITH MARY-KATE
(September 22, 2004)

I'M OUTTA KOOL-AID, MOTHAFUCKA!
(September 20, 2004)

BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA BA, I WANNA BE CREMATED
(September 17, 2004)

THE ASSAULT WEAPONS BAN DIED, BUT DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT IT
(September 15, 2004)

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF FAT PEOPLE
(September 13, 2004)

WORLDWIDE FUNKIFIED CHARITY DRIVE 2005
(September 10, 2004)

LE TOUR DE SHITTY GAME
(September 8, 2004)

THREE TIMES WEEKLY RAMBLINGS, NOT DAILY
(September 6, 2004)

AMUSING QUOTES FROM BUSH'S REPUBLICAN CONVENTION SPEECH
(September 3, 2004)

PLEASE COMPLETE THIS QUESTIONNAIRE
(September 2, 2004)

THE MONKEY ALREADY HAS A TYPEWRITER, SO NOW HE'S GETTING CABLE
(September 1, 2004)

NO MORE CLUB RISK? WHERE WILL THE WHORES GO?
(August 30, 2004)

VH1 BEHIND THE MUSIC: CORNELIUS WATERCLOSET
(August 27, 2004)

TAKING FAKE BOOBS TO A NEW LEVEL: PLAYBOY PICTORIAL TO FEATURE NUDE VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS
(August 26, 2004)

LETTERS COLUMN 35: DVD/GAME RENTAL COMPANIES DON'T LIKE MY REVIEWS
(August 25, 2004)

CHANGE THE CIA? LET'S TAKE A CLOSER (AND EASIER TO UNDERSTAND) LOOK AT THE DETAILS
(August 24, 2004)

NEWSCASTERS BECOMING HIP WITH TEENS
(August 23, 2004)

OLYMPIC LOOKALIKES: WINNING THE GOLD IS GREAT, BUT LOOKING LIKE A WASHED UP CELEBRITY IS PRICELESS
(August 20, 2004)

WORST. MOVIE IDEA. EVER.
(August 19, 2004)

BEHIND THE SUCKAGE: CRAIG KILBORN
(August 18, 2004)

BOOK STORES ARE NOT A PLACE FOR ASSHATTERY
(August 17, 2004)

YEAH, I SUCK AT COOKING. HOW ABOUT I PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH, BITCH?
(August 16, 2004)

DEAR STINKY
(August 13, 2004)

THINGS THAT SHOCK ME
(August 12, 2004)

EXTRA! EXTRA! BIG SCANDAL AT DAILY RAMBLINGS!
(August 11, 2004)

GO AWAY. I'M PLAYING VIDEO GAMES
(August 10, 2004)

I DISAPPROVE OF YOU ALL!
(August 9, 2004)

ONLINE DVD RENTAL SERVICE COMPARISON
(August 6, 2004)

THIS WEEK'S ENTRIES IN MY DIARY
(August 5, 2004)

LETTERS COLUMN 34: I'M SO TIRED OF EXPLAINING THE RETARDATION, I'M NOT GOING TO ANYMORE
(August 4, 2004)

GRUMPY GRAMPY
(August 3, 2004)

TWO FAMILY REUNIONS, ONE LOW PRICE
(August 2, 2004)

BLUTO IS FREAKIN' DEAD. POPEYE HELD FOR QUESTIONING
(July 30, 2004)

I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS ONE
(July 29, 2004)

AN AWKWARD MOMENT ON THE BUS
(July 28, 2004)

THE NO THUMBS PACKAGE
(July 27, 2004)

I GOT MY FACE STEPPED ON AT THE WARPED TOUR
(July 26, 2004)

P. DIDDY IS GOING TO MURDER YOU IF YOU DON'T VOTE
(July 23, 2004)

PAUL CHRISTOPH RYAN, CREATIVE WRITING TEACHER
(July 22, 2004)

WEDNESDAY MUSIC SPOTLIGHT, AND THE PLIGHT OF CHEESE
(July 21, 2004)

TO THE ASSHAT PASSED OUT ON AN APARTMENT BUILDING'S LAWN
(July 20, 2004)

HOW TO MAKE JAMES BOND MOVIES BETTER
(July 19, 2004)

AN OPEN LETTER TO STUPID WHITE PEOPLE
(July 16, 2004)

YOU'RE INVITED TO A WEDDING RECEPTION
(July 15, 2004)

THE JOB SEARCH
(July 14, 2004)

GOODBYE WHEEZY!
(July 13, 2004)

MAKING YOUR BED IS STUPID
(July 12, 2004)

PLEASE EXCUSE MY MID-YEAR COLUMN WRITING CRISIS
(July 9, 2004)

I'M A PATRIOTIC MAN WHO ENJOYS BLOWING THINGS UP
(July 7, 2004)

I'M STARTING A BAND, AND WE'RE GONNA ROCK YOU UNTIL YOU CRAP YOURSELF
(July 6, 2004)

HOMELAND SECURITY BANS ELDERLY FROM WAITING FOR MAIL TO ARRIVE
(July 5, 2004)

I'M IN THE MARKET FOR A URINAL
(July 2, 2004)

HERB BERGSON IS HOT
(July 1, 2004)

OLD AND BUSTED: CIGARETTE HATRED. NEW HOTNESS: CIGARETTE DICTATORSHIP
(June 30, 2004)

FAHRENHEIT 9/11: DOCUMENTARY OR CRAP?
(June 29, 2004)

SUMMERFEST WRAPUP: KATE GOT POOPED ON
(June 28, 2004)

MY FOUR DAY BABYSITTING JOB
(June 25, 2004)

ROCKIN'. ROLLIN'. DRINKIN'. WORD.
(June 24, 2004)

THE TROUBLED LADD VAN TOL
(June 23, 2004)

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW IS GARGOYLES
(June 22, 2004)

REASONS WHY MY DAD IS THE GREATEST
(June 21, 2004)

LIVE FROM DICK PUTZ FIELD
(June 17, 2004)

LAURA NESS IS HOT
(June 18, 2004)

FIREFOX 0.9: BETTER THAN INTERNET EXPLORER
(June 16, 2004)

TWO OLD MEN AT LAST NIGHT'S COUNCIL MEETING
(June 15, 2004)

TO HELL WITH EVERYTHING. I'M NEVER WAKING UP AGAIN
(June 14, 2004)

TIP ONE BACK FOR RAY CHARLES TONIGHT
(June 11, 2004)

THE WORST COMIC STRIPS EVER
(June 10, 2004)

THE ART OF FART ETIQUETTE
(June 9, 2004)

LETTERS COLUMN 33: IF DUMBASSES GREW ON TREES, I'D HAVE A DUMBASS FOREST
(June 8, 2004)

DAILY RAMBLINGS EXCLUSIVE: FAREWELL NOTE FROM REAGAN FOUND
(June 7, 2004)

THE BACKLASH AGAINST CHRISTIANITY: AN EXPLANATION OF WHY
(June 4, 2004)

COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS AT WORK
(June 3, 2004)

GUESS WHO'S DEAD, PART TWO!
(June 2, 2004)

THOU SHALT NOT SPEAK ILL OF JELL-O PUDDING POPS, WOMAN!
(June 1, 2004)

POOPING AT THE GAS STATION, SHOWERING IN THE STREETS
(May 31, 2004)

HOW TO ORGANIZE A PARADE
(May 28, 2004)

CAT FANCY MAGAZINE EXLUSIVE: MY DEMISE
(May 27, 2004)

EXIT STRATEGIES ARE SEXY
(May 26, 2004)

THIS JUST IN: AVRIL LAVIGNE IS FUGLY AS ALL HELL
(May 25, 2004)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE! SORRY TO HEAR YOU BARFED LAST WEEK!
(May 24, 2004)

THE NEW MASCOT?
(May 21, 2004)

WHAT NOT TO DO WITH USED MOTOR OIL AND POOP
(May 20, 2004)

CNN SPECIAL: RED STRIPE BEER HOSTAGE CRISIS TURNS CRITICAL
(May 19, 2004)

HELL HAS FROZEN OVER, AND THE COPS ARE GIVING ME FREE BEER
(May 18, 2004)

THE OLIVE GARDEN: OH GOD, THE PAIN
(May 17, 2004)

IT'S THE DAILY RAMBLINGS TELETHON!
(May 14, 2004)

LETTERS COLUMN 32: CLAY AIKEN NEEDS TO SPONSOR HOOKED ON PHONICS
(May 13, 2004)

BREAK OUT THE BEANO; THIS WEBSITE HAS GAS
(May 12, 2004)

I'M REPORTING ON PEOPLE ARGUING ABOUT GARBAGE. SIGH
(May 11, 2004)

SPECIAL ARTWORK FROM A SPECIAL BOY
(May 10, 2004)

THAT "FRIENDS" SHOW IS OVER? SWEET
(May 7, 2004)

THE ANUS CHRONICLES, PART ONE
(May 6, 2004)

JE CONTRE LE SPRINT (PRƒSENTƒ EN ANGLAIS)
(May 5, 2004)

OH SHIT
(May 4, 2004)

THE BACHELOR KNOWS BEST
(May 3, 2004)

NIGHTLINE IS DOING THE RIGHT THING
(April 30, 2004)

MARK RUSSELL MAKES ME WANT TO VOMIT
(April 29, 2004)

IS JOHN KERRY A DOUCHE BAG? AN UNBIASED SCIENTIFIC ANALYSIS
(April 28, 2004)

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE SHUT THAT CAT THE HELL UP?
(April 27, 2004)

ELI MANNING IS A LITTLE BITCH
(April 26, 2004)

EARTH DAY IS STUPID, AND ECO-TARDS SMELL LIKE FARTS
(April 23, 2004)

CALL ME P-BOMB
(April 22, 2004)

OBLIGATORY HACKNEYED COLUMN ABOUT THE DMV
(April 21, 2004)

YESTERDAY'S COLUMN WASN'T POSTED BECAUSE YOU'RE A JERK
(April 20, 2004)

MODELS? I CAN PULL BETTER MODELS OUT OF MY BUTT
(April 16, 2004)

MY FIRST DAY OF VACATION, HOUR BY HOUR
(April 15, 2004)

ASK A BURNT OUT REPORTER WHO'S ONE DAY AWAY FROM STARTING HIS VACATION, AND DOESN'T GIVE A CRAP
(April 14, 2004)

THIS JUST IN: YOU SUCK
(April 13, 2004)

MEHHHHH! THE GOVERNMENT! IT'S THE GOVERNMENT! MEHHHHH!
(April 12, 2004)

CONDOLEEZZA RICE: A LIAR AND PATRONIZER . . . BUT A TIGER IN THE SACK
(April 9, 2004)

LETTERS COLUMN 31: HERE COME THE CRAZY PEOPLE
(April 8, 2004)

HOLD ON. TIME OUT. I'M PISSED OFF LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER
(April 7, 2004)

I'M SUING YOU, READER
(April 6, 2004)

I WAS ABDUCTED BY A CLOWN LAST WEEK
(April 5, 2004)

HEY DENTISTS: LEAVE ME ALONE
(April 2, 2004)

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS' DAY!
(April 1, 2004)

HIGH-SPEED INTERNET FOR ALL? NO THANKS
(March 31, 2004)

APRIL FOOLS DAY TRICKS THAT DON'T INVOLVE SMEARING PUDDING ON TOILET SEATS
(March 30, 2004)

DAN STOCK: HEY DOUCHEBAG, I STOLE YOUR FERRIS BUELLER HEAD
(March 29, 2004)

PAUL AT THE PARENT/TEACHER CONFERENCES
(March 26, 2004)

DEATH OR TAXES? A PICTORIAL ANSWERS THE AGE-OLD QUESTION
(March 25, 2004)

THE AMERICAN HEALTH COVERAGE CRISIS: A NATION AFRAID OF CHANGE AND BOMBARDED WITH MYTHS
(March 24, 2004)

MY DAD WAS NOT PROPOSITIONED BY A WHORE . . . OR SO HE CLAIMS
(March 23, 2004)

DAILY RAMBLINGS EXPRESS
(March 22, 2004)

LETTERS COLUMN 30: HERE COMES THE PROFANITY
(March 19, 2004)

IT'S TIME TO PUT ON MY NCAA GAME FACE
(March 18, 2004)

WHAT YOU SHOULD BE DRINKING TODAY
(March 17, 2004)

THE LOVELY LADIES OF CERTIFIED PUBLIC ACCOUNTING
(March 16, 2004)

LET'S HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT MIDDLE FINGERS
(March 15, 2004)

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MAKERS OF GRAPE NUTS
(March 12, 2004)

KORN IS EDGY! KORN IS CONTROVERSIAL! OOOH! FEEL THE CONTROVERSY! IT BURNS!
(March 11, 2004)

I WON THE JOHN BEARGREASE SLED DOG MARATHON
(March 10, 2004)

I'M BEING FORCED TO TALK TO OLD PEOPLE
(March 9, 2004)

I SNUCK INTO AVRIL LAVIGNE'S MALL CONCERT TOUR
(March 8, 2004)

YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, AND NOT WITH A HOOKER ON TOP OF YOU, LIKE YOU WANT TO
(March 4, 2004)

CREEPIEST. COLUMN. EVER.
(March 3, 2004)

NEW INVENTIONS INVOLVING NYQUIL
(March 2, 2004)

OSCAR MOMENTS YOU MAY HAVE MISSED
(March 1, 2004)

GUEST COLUMN TEN: AARON BROWN
(February 27, 2004)

GUEST COLUMN NINE: DENNIS KEMPTON/TOM HEUER
(February 26, 2004)

GUEST COLUMN EIGHT: MEGHAN FINLEY
(February 25, 2004)

GUEST COLUMN SEVEN: IAN TALTY
(February 24, 2004)

GUEST COLUMN SIX: KATE HOULIHAN
(February 23, 2004)

BABY STEPS FOR GAY MARRIAGE DESTINED TO GET STRONGER
(February 20, 2004)

BORING SCHOOLBOARD MEETINGS: GIVE ME ADJOURNMENT OR GIVE ME DEATH!
(February 19, 2004)

MEL GIBSON IS SCARING ME
(February 18, 2004)

THE RETURN OF GUEST COLUMN WEEK!
(February 17, 2004)

A RAMBLING, INCOHERENT STORY ABOUT THE ASS WIPER GIRL
(February 16, 2004)

WHAT KIND OF POLITICAL BOOB ARE YOU?
(February 13, 2004)

THE JOHN EDWARDS RALLY IN PICTURES . . . AND EASY TO READ WORDS
(February 12, 2004)

VALENTINE'S DAY CARDS FOR JERKS
(February 11, 2004)

UMD CHANCELLOR CHATTY KATHY IS MY KIND OF GAL
(February 10, 2004)

I AM A FANCY MAN WITH A FANCY COAT
(February 9, 2004)

STOP PICKING ON SMOKERS
(February 6, 2004)

JOHN DUKAKIS CAN STILL WIN
(February 5, 2004)

THE RANT OF A PISSED OFF PHOTOGRAPHER
(February 4, 2004)

HERE'S SOME PICTURES OF JANET JACKSON'S BOOB!
(February 3, 2004)

IT'S GROUNDHOG'S DAY!
(February 2, 2004)

LIVE FROM THE GREEN ROOM
(January 30, 2004)

AARON J. BROWN AND THE TGI FRIDAYS WAITER
(January 29, 2004)

I'M A PGA TOUR PARTNERS CLUB MEMBER, AND YOU'RE NOT
(January 28, 2004)

LETTERS COLUMN 29: BITTERNESS, BALLS, AND BOOBS
(January 27, 2004)

A FOURTH-GRADER TRIED TO MURDER ME
(January 26, 2004)

AN INDECENT PROPOSAL
(January 23, 2004)

BITTERNESS IS A DISEASE, AND WE SHALL FOOK IT OUT OF YOU
(January 22, 2004)

THE STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH, CLARIFIED FOR THE PUBLIC
(January 21, 2004)

IT'S COLD ENOUGH TO FREEZE THE PEE IN YOUR URETHRA
(January 20, 2004)

I'M A VINYL RECORD SNOB
(January 19, 2004)

OH CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN, PLEASE STOP WASTING OUR PROVISIONS ON YOURSELF
(January 16, 2004)

PAUL NEEDS A HAIRCUT!
(January 15, 2004)

LOW-CARB SPLOOGE BURGERS
(January 14, 2004)

EVERYBODY HATES ME, AND I THINK IT'S GREAT!
(January 13, 2004)

BARBARA BUSH DIES AT AGE 78
(January 12, 2004)

I USE THE WORD 'HUMP' 14 TIMES IN THIS COLUMN, BUT IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE
(January 9, 2004)

LAME IDEAS THAT I'M GOING TO FORCE YOU TO READ
(January 8, 2004)

MINI IPODS: A TOTAL PILE OF CRAP
(January 7, 2004)

GET WELL CJ / IT ONLY TOOK ME 12 MINUTES TO WRITE THIS COLUMN
(January 6, 2004)

CLAY AIKEN SUCKS
(January 5, 2004)

MY PARENTS HAVE A CREEPY OBSESSION WITH JELL-O
(January 2, 2004)

PREDICTIONS FOR 2004
(January 1, 2004)





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