Dec. 18:  The subway leads straight to Christmas

Dec. 13:  'Tis the season for 'chimney mishaps'

Dec. 6:  The hip-hop community is finally giving me props

Dec. 4:  Get ready for the holiday ball!

Nov. 29:  I love you, reader

Nov. 27:  Please stop showing scantily-clad women

Nov. 22:  Black Friday must be avoided

Nov. 20:  A very special Ramblings Thanksgiving

Nov. 15:  Pacific Universal Shivering Syndrome in Yuletide

Nov. 13:  I'm more of a community activist than you

Nov. 6:  Handy guide for tomorrow's election

Oct. 30:  Daily Ramblings Prime steakhouses

Oct. 25:  Leave your hat on in the lift-pull contraption, polite stranger!

Oct. 23:  Duluth people like to spread rumors about me

Oct. 18:  Governor's race turns nasty

Oct. 16:  I give funnier advice than Dear Abby

Oct. 11:  I'm more upbeat than you

Oct. 9:  Idiocracy: The film you're not supposed to see

Oct. 4:  Please register for our site

Oct. 2:  I ate cereal for dinner again

Sept. 27:  Nobody takes my ideas seriously

Sept. 25:  Nobody enjoys church, not even God

Sept. 20:  "Smith" is a worthless pile of crap TV show written by some talentless hack who relies entirely on big name actors and flashy camera movements instead of a plausible plot or realistic dialogue

Sept. 13:  Your personalized horoscopes for Wednesday, September 13

Sept. 11:  An angry rant about hairstylists

Sept. 6:  IKEA rapist still at large

Sept. 4:  Fine. I'll cut my hair short again

Aug. 30:  When do you use Purell hand sanitizer?

Aug. 28:  Your guide to a fine, fine, fine, fine education

Aug. 23:  Heinz makes the funniest ketchup ever

Aug. 21:  I've been hired to tame Janice Dickinson's back hair

Aug. 16:  Page Six exclusives!

Aug. 14:  Please stop visiting Hollywood

Aug. 9:  Kids today are worthless

Aug. 7:  Wikipedia entry for Monte Cristo

Aug. 2:  Why doesn't Paul ever water me?

July 31:  Jesus don't want Gibson for a sunbeam . . . or chauffeur

July 26:  My parents are enjoying their lives too much

July 24:  Power outage? Let's get shitfaced!

July 19:  It's too hot to write a goddamn column

July 17:  My dad's knows all about "The Big O"

July 14:  I've been robbed of beer!

July 10:  Want success? Get rid of your hair, pretty boy!

July 7:  I will pose for Playboy

July 5:  Nothing stinks up Vegas like Toby Keith's country butthole

July 3:  Letters column 47: Nightcrawlers of truth

June 28:  Gay Superman Returns

June 26:  Get rid of pesky poor people forever!

June 23:  Really funny column title goes here

June 21:  Hey Netflix, where the hell is "Encino Man"?

June 19:  Phrases for old men to yell loudly in public places

June 16:  Violent crime surges in Paul Ryan's apartment

June 12:  If I were a casting director

June 7:  I'll do pretty much anything for $100 per day

June 2:  I can punch you in your goiter

May 31:  Is there a third jerk to vote for?

May 29:  It's Memorial Day!

May 26:  Finally, my Jetsons phone has arrived

May 24:  To the teenage girl at the mall

May 22:  Pancakes shouldn't cost $8, you bastards

May 19:  Hating TV means loving season finales week

May 17:  Welcome to temporary employment

May 15:  Letters column 46: Charlie Sheen's assistant's friend's mother's uncle's friend strikes back

May 12:  A short one-act play about Cingular Wireless

May 10:  I've been augmented

May 8:  Let's talk about 1980s masturbation

May 5:  Things I will do today instead of working on my book

May 3:  I am a professional at moving your shit

May 1:  This conversation is fake, but the problem is real

Apr. 26:  How to be a teen heartthrob

Apr. 24:  A tour of the San Francisco area

Apr. 21:  Rumsfeld: Competent or not?

Apr. 19:  Random thoughts

Apr. 17:  The 2006 Crappies Awards

Apr. 14:  Letters column 45: Desert Polacks

Apr. 12:  Go for the sweet spot, girl

Apr. 10:  JCPenney celebrity bachelor auction

Apr. 7:  What's my stank?

Apr. 3:  Why didn't anyone tell me it's Daylight Saving Time?

Mar. 31:  I can't fool you in a newspaper

Mar. 29:  Doesn't anyone want to sleep with the PA?

Mar. 27:  Sesame Street instant messenger

Mar. 24:  Tell me which Stevie Wonder jokes are the best

Mar. 20:  My secretary

Mar. 17:  This week on "The O.C."

Mar. 15:  NCAA battle: Downtown Brown vs. Funkafyin' Ryan

Mar. 13:  Columnist dies from alcohol poisoning

Mar. 10:  Some quality time at CBS

Mar. 8:  What's the gayest thing in my apartment?

Mar. 6:  Letters column 44: Aliens, Penicillin, and Ray Romano's fight with disease

Mar. 3:  Things I Miss

Mar. 1:  Paul Ryan Photography Studio

Feb. 27:  The Clippers beat the Lakers, and a hobo helped me find my car

Feb. 24:  Want a California driver's license? Bend over and grab your ankles

Feb. 22:  Unemployment diary: Tuesday

Feb. 20:  Your grandpa needs your support

Feb. 17:  Facts about Courtney Love's vagina

Feb. 15:  The strip club visit

Feb. 13:  Top Valentine's Day gifts for men

Feb. 10:  Buy Charlie Sheen's poo on Ebay!

Feb. 6:  The San Miguel prophecy

Feb. 3:  Eight boring states, one boring travel log

Jan. 23:  An evening with the Ryan family

Jan. 20:  American patsy

Jan. 18:  I have better credit than Jesus

Jan. 16:  A comparison of actress Anne Ramsey, columnist Ann Landers, and Holocaust victim Anne Frank

Jan. 13:  Worthless crap can be outsourced?

Jan. 11:  Things I didn't do in California

Jan. 4:  Packing list for California

Jan. 2:  Top 10 movies of 2005





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