|
A conversation with my roommate's dog .........Paul Ryan, .........Columnist .....A dedicated and respected journalist must be able to cover a variety of subjects, and must be prepared for the vast amount of unique personalities they will encounter in the interviewing process. .....An easygoing, pressure-free interview with the Pope or our nation?s president is much easier and different than the complex, complicated and nerve-racking task of interviewing Ted Danson. .....In my time here in Superior, I have interviewed the good, the bad and the ugly. Especially the ugly. I need a challenge. I need an interview that is both groundbreaking and revolutionary. The only way I could possibly improve my current untouchable credibility and impeccable maturity level in writing is to interview someone that has refused comment for years: my roommate?s dog. .....I will inform my advisor immediately about this grand and noteworthy capstone requirement-filling possibility. Paul: I hate to start with a tough issue, but I understand your owner recently had your testicles cut off. How?s that treating you? Dog: Dog drools and stares blankly at me, breaking wind repeatedly. P: I see. The food here seems to be giving you a little trouble. D: Dog begins licking his own butt. P: You get a camera shot of that, Mark? Good! Let?s see Mike Wallace top that! Speaking of cleanliness, does anyone attend to housekeeping duties in your home? D: Dog begins humping banister post. P: Interesting. I?m not quite sure how that works when he?s already been neutered, but brilliant nonetheless. I can see this is going to be a lengthy and splendid interview. D: Dog urinates on cameraman, then runs headfirst into a nearby wall, nearly knocking himself unconscious. P: Breathtaking. Though few words were spoken, the interviewee opened up to me in ways few people have. Aaron Brown: Stop this column at once! It?s disgusting and filthy and unnecessary! D: Dog runs outside, poos in former Editor in Chief Aaron Brown?s car. P: Paul rolls around in grass outside, laughing until he pees himself. Begins eating poisonous-looking mushrooms in the yard for fun. D: Salutations, Mr. Ryan. It seems you?ve soiled your britches. Care for a Fig Newton? P: Dog?s voice...sounds like...Whoopi Goldberg. Monkey with cowboy hat on: I dislike the ?Family Circus? comic strip. Fig Newton: Yo freaky- wanna smoke some crack? P: Yes.
|
