Warning: include(/home/fuddes/public_html/toolbarramblings.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/326.php on line 45 Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening '/home/fuddes/public_html/toolbarramblings.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php:/usr/local/php5/lib/pear') in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/326.php on line 45 |
Warning: include(/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/326.php on line 50 Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening '/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php:/usr/local/php5/lib/pear') in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/326.php on line 50 E-mails, comments, clarifications, and random complaints from readers ...................Paul Ryan
This is hard work. I need an assistant to jab the pen in my eye for me. Anyway, I have deemed myself unfit to write a column today. So I have only one choice: do a "letters from readers" column. Ugh. If someone would hurry up and invent a type of caffeine my body isn't immune to, I wouldn't have to put up with this crap. Our first letter comes from Adam in Richfield, Minn. He wrote to give a correction to my column about column number 305 (Column 305, May 29, "Column number 305"). Apparently, I have been labeling "The Man" wrong. My apologies. I must stand right up and let you know that when you refer to The Man, you should always capitalize both the "T" in "The" and the "M" in "Man". It's just that, in my many dealings with The Man, I've found that when you don't capitalize "The Man" as I've just demonstrated, He (capital "H") tends to try extra hard to keep your shit down. And if you are anything like me, The Man is always keeping your shit down. Lousy freakin' The Man. Oh, I know all about The Man tryin' to keep my shahizzle-fizzle down. Just the other day, The Man pulled me over with his fancy squad car, and gave me a warning for driving 34 mph in a 30 mph zone. Lousy freakin' The Man. Our second letter comes from Pamela in Duluth, Minn. Pamela is studying to be a string bikini model, and doesn't like it when you talk about her mother, who has no legs. At least that's what she told me over e-mail. No, really. Anyway, Pamela made a valiant attempt to spread the joy of "Miserable Bastard" Day (Column 314, June 11, "Saturday is national 'Miserable Bastard' day"), but was unsuccessful. Thanks for the attempt, Pamela. in one of your past articles i read, you had written about it being miserable bastard day. i went into a chat room and told everyone that it was miserable bastard day and i got the boot. the message stated i was kicked from the chat room and i had to watch my language. i assumed that the people didnt like the "miserable" in the miserable bastard day.but i forgave them because it was their day to be the miserable bastard. What chat room were you in, the Lutheran Baptist Buddhist Church Preschool Children's Program chat room or something? Next time, just go to Yahoo Chat. I doubt you'll get banned there, since the rooms are filled almost exclusively with pedophiles, and spambots from pornographic websites. Just don't actually try to talk to any of the people there. I did once, five years ago, and I'm still recovering from the massive amount of profane, ebonics-style attacks that were sent my way.
Random Yahoo chatter: huh u ididotic sun of a beetch!?! wait hold on yyou proly likeits imma thugg! lmao! did u see hiz pic? he a shrek lookin muthaf**ka! put hiz ass on iggnore! Paul, circa 1998: Don't hurt me! Ahhh! I'll do anything! Just please don't hurt me!
Our next letter is from Elyza in New Jersey. For some reason, she seems to think I'm cool. I can't imagine where anyone would get such a ridiculous idea, but I'll take compliments wherever I can get them. I love you Paul! :) And from a certain view point, you seem to bare a resemblance to FoodNetwork's Bobby Flay. I don't like Bobby Flay. But Paul's cool. How can you not like Bobby Flay? He totally kicked that Iron Chef's ass in the rematch. He's the coolest chef ever, and I'm honored to look somewhat like him from certain unconventional angles. Perhaps someday I can look somewhat like him from more traditional angles. (Segue to closing paragraph left out due to laziness) That's all for today, reader. Keep sending in your letters, and I'll keep using them to make less work for myself.
? parts cheapest available vodka
Find the cheapest vodka you can get your "shaking, alcoholic hands on", as Rachel says, and mix according to taste. Rachel guarantees that by the end of the night, your drinks will become 90% cheap vodka. I can't help but agree.
| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
What a morning, reader. I woke up at 5 a.m., thinking it was 7 a.m. and time to get ready for work. I ate my entire breakfast before realizing I didn't have to be at work for two and a half hours. Then I couldn't get back to sleep. The sugary Cocoa Pebbles had already hit me, so I was wide awake. Now I'm sitting at work jabbing a pen in my eye every four minutes to keep myself awake.
