Warning: include(/home/fuddes/public_html/toolbarramblings.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/340.php on line 45 Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening '/home/fuddes/public_html/toolbarramblings.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/php5/lib/php:/usr/local/lib/php') in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/340.php on line 45 |
Warning: include(/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/340.php on line 50 Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening '/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/php5/lib/php:/usr/local/lib/php') in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/340.php on line 50 A tribute to Oregon Trail ...................Paul Ryan
I'm here to help you, reader. Remember back in grade school, when you barely used computers, and they weren't seen as much more than oversized typewriters? Remember your weekly typing class, with the fat computer dork teacher who couldn't do anything besides teach typing, because computers weren't advanced or popular enough for people to want to learn about them? Remember how one day in typing class everyone was incredibly loud and disruptful, and when the teacher got red in the face and started shouting, some kid called him a fatty, and the rest of the class burst into laughter? Remember how later, your homeroom teacher made everyone write an apology letter to the typing teacher? Remember how these letters only made the typing teacher feel like more of a failure? Well, maybe that was just my typing class. But you probably remember playing the game "Oregon Trail". That was the really low-tech game where you guided a covered wagon across a long trail, and all your characters end up dying of cool diseases like typhoid fever and dysentery. Man, that game was awesome. I found a copy of Oregon Trail - actually it's Oregon Trail Deluxe, which is the second-oldest version, and the one most people remember - and I've been playing it all day today. It's a lot of fun, especially when you incorporate the names of people in the Bush administration as your travel companions. So I traveled in a wagon with George W. Bush, Dick Cheaney, John Ashcroft, and Condoleezza Rice. Unfortunately, the game doesn't give you the option of purchasing a firearm for suicide purposes. You can only use the weapon to hunt. Is this game conveniently ignoring the subject of late-1800s suicides? Surely, the hard times on the trail must have inspired at least a few people to off themselves. Where's the realism? Educational game, my ass. I successfully made it to the end, but not without hardships for the administration. During the journey, the group encountered a case of cholera, a broken arm, two wagon fires, one fever, one case of the measles, two broken legs, and eight snake bites. No herpes or gonnarhea, though. Condoleezza Rice got fleas, but that's because she was having relations with the oxen.
 The first part of the journey was rough for Dick Cheaney. Cholera and a broken leg! Way to go Dick! Unfortunately, Dick also got lost twice, which held up the group's progress. And no, I don't mean he lost his way while driving the wagon. I mean he got lost, apparently from wandering around the desert like an idiot. For an 18 year-old video game, Oregon Trail can be pretty damn accurate about people's personalities.
 My favorite part of the journey was when George W. Bush "got sick and died". I love that description. No explanation of how the death happened. Apparently he just "got sick and died". And afterward? The finding of wild fruit. That's quite an eventful day. Also, a snake bit John Ashcroft. It doesn't say where, but I'm hoping for the groin.
 Speaking of McCarthy - or I mean Ashcroft - he ended up dying of dysentery. According to the dictionary, dysentery involves "severe diarrhea, often accompanied by the passage of blood and mucus". I like the picture that accompanies deaths in Oregon Trail. One guy is crying, while the guy with the shovel is obviously thinking how there's now three ladies and only two men. The dog in the lower-left corner is either howling or gargling mouthwash. Or begging for a treat. But hey, I'm being selfish. I'm having all the fun while you sit around and watch. Why don't you join me, reader? I just happen to have a copy of Oregon Trail for both Mac and Windows users. The Mac one is in OS 9 (932k). For Windows users, I have both the deluxe version (1.8 MB) and the old school text-based version (352k). Enjoy!
Oregon Trail Deluxe (PC) Oregon Trail Original (PC) Note: Please don't e-mail me asking for assistance. These games work for some versions of PCs and Macs, but not others. I don't know which operating systems work with them and which don't. If they don't work, you'll have to search for a different version.
1.5 oz. Kahlua
Pour in the Kahlua and Bailey's, then fill the glass with milk, leaving enough room for the Goldschlager. Then pour in the Goldschlager over the back of a spoon. If you leave it for a minute, it'll end up layered. If you're really crazy, you could also include a sprinkle of cinnamon and chocolate syrup. This is the drink that all the champion Oregon Trail players drink.
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
It's Friday, and you're probably drifting towards the weekend. The time for sweet freedom - where you can sit on your fat ass and drink beer while watching TV - is so close, yet still a full work day ahead. Your mind has already left the office for the day, and you're left with no choice but to surf the Internet and find ways to pass the time.
