Warning: include(/home/fuddes/public_html/toolbarramblings.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/349.php on line 45 Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening '/home/fuddes/public_html/toolbarramblings.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php:/usr/local/php5/lib/pear') in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/349.php on line 45 |
Warning: include(/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/349.php on line 50 Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening '/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php:/usr/local/php5/lib/pear') in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/349.php on line 50 Icehouse beer sucks . . . but only if you're the one drinking it ...................Paul Ryan
Today's column will focus on the beer used at your party. The first rule to remember is just because the party is at your house doesn't mean the beer has to be good. Who says you even have to drink it? You could drink your own beer, leaving the lukewarm keg of swill you buy at the store for your guests. Icehouse is the perfect beer for those times when everyone but you is drinking. It may taste like liquidated asphalt, but it's cheap and potent, and that's what counts. Icehouse gets heavy drinkers inebriated more easily, so you don't have to buy as many kegs. The awful taste also makes the prissy and popular girls whine, which gives you a great opportunity to tell them to shut the hell up. It's not like you haven't wanted to tell them to shut up. You just never had the proper opportunity. Since complaining about the beer at a kegger is a major college faux pas, you'll have every right to unload a lifetime of pent up hate on them. Here's an example, taken from a party thrown at my college house back in the day:
Host: Yes. Annoying Girl: Your beer is gross. Seriously, it's really gross. Host: It's Icehouse. Annoying Girl: It's just gross. Host: I'm sorry, next time I'll roll out a keg of Heineken for you. Would that be good enough? Or how about I get a half-barrel of Boone's Farm, or some other wine cooler? Y'know, just for you. Hey, why don't I just get everyone their own keg? That way I won't be ripping you off for the five whole dollars you paid for a bottomless cup. Annoying Girl: I'm just sayin' . . . Host: Why don't you just kiss my ass.
Thank you, good luck, and remember to make everyone but you drink Icehouse. Such horrible disregard for the taste buds of others is a college tradition.
| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
The school year is coming up soon, and some college freshman orientations have already begun. Many readers out there may be planning to throw keggers, in hopes of meeting naive eighteen year olds who don't know enough not to fornicate with them. The freshmen crop of students are a staple for low-life scumbags (males and females), many of which who visit this website.
Notice I said "readers" instead of "students". Many non-students, like Floyd Dingleberry (pictured at right), also like to throw keggers to attract young people who don't yet know about their "world-class pervert" status. Floyd has been a regular reader of this website since 1998, and enjoys the jokes about flatulence. He currently hosts 12 different diseases in his bloodstream.
