Pick a hot date for Paul!

The weekend is fast approaching, and to be honest, I don't have a date. It's been a slow week with the ladies, and I was left with no choice but to ask my friends to find me a date. Luckily, they came through with flying colors.

I'm going to allow you, the reader, to vote on which lucky lady I should take out on the town this weekend. But I'm going to have to ask the guys to be careful not to fall in love. These ladies are mine, and I don't want any fights over who gets to date who. You'll all just have to fight over the leftover ladies after one is chosen for me.

As for you female readers, I don't want any catfights. I know these ladies are beautiful, but don't vote for a girl who's second best simply because you're jealous of the best girl. Be fair and objective.

Well, enough chit-chat! Let's get to the ladies!

Cathy: Look at those legs! Whoo! Cathy is obviously a woman who's not afraid to be a little daring. Why else would she be wearing a tube top? She also appears to spend quite a bit of time on her makeup, possibly hours. Dedication like that makes me feel important.

Joann: I'm not sure that I've ever seen such a hot lady wearing a turtleneck and a white corduroy shirt with the collar up. And like Cathy with her makeup, Joann seems to spend a lot of time on her hair. Once again, I'm a man who likes to feel special, and that poofy hair makes me feel like an important man.

Alison: I've been told that Alison is slightly retarded, but I'm totally fine with that. I actually like the fact that she wears a nametag so she doesn't forget her own name, because I'm forgetful with names, too. I'll just have to make sure she keeps her shirt on during sex, so I know what name to call out.

Bethany: Whoa! A chick in a band! Is there anything sexier? Her shoes look kind of smelly, but I don't mind. I'm smelly, too. But that's mainly because I always forget to wipe my ass. I'm not sure if whitewashed jeans are back in style, but if they are, Bethany and I will be the hippest couple in town!

Hannah: Maybe it's just me, but she kinda seems like a bitch. Luckily, that's just how I like my ladies: mean and violent. After we have dinner, maybe Hannah and I can do some bareknuckle boxing. I've been practicing all week, and I can't wait to see the look on Hannah's face when I bust her in the goddamn eyeball!

Yuma: There's nothing quite as lovely as a girl with some ethnic enlightenment. Yuma is just that type of girl. I think she said the markings around her eyes represented the rape of the Moroccan people. God, that's sexy. She may be a lesbian, but I'm fine with watching.

Nina: Girls just want to have fun! Nina and I are bound to have fun, especially when she finds out I have the entire Punky Brewster series on DVD. I wonder if she collects Popples, or decorates her bedroom with Rainbow Brite curtains and bedsheets? If all goes well, I might find out soon enough.

Charlene: There's nothing better than a young lady who dresses like an old lady. The collared shirt, cardigan sweater, and kindergarten teacher style bead necklace just drives me wild. If she has a jean jacket with rhinestones on it, I may just marry her the first day.

Cast your vote, reader! Select my date for this weekend. I'm decorating the inside of my pants just thinking about all these hot, hot ladies!