E-mails, comments, clarifications, and random complaints from readers

There's nothing that pains me more than having to sort through my e-mail and find letters that are actually suitable for printing. As you've no doubt learned by now, reader, I am strictly opposed to doing anything on this website requiring work. Part of the fun of writing obtuse humor columns is I don't have to do any actual research. I just sit down, write a few sentences with the word "poop", "hemophiliac", or "platypus humping" in it, and design a column around those sentences.

But since I'm all out of ideas for columns, and I'll be busy tonight (Wednesday night is Othello night at the VFW. What a fun game!), I'm going to do a letters column today. Our first e-mail comes from Adam in Richfield, MN. He was impressed by my column on Ian the Scapegoat (Column 374, September 8, "Let's make Ian our scapegoat").

There have been very few columns since the implementation of the DailyRamblings.com column rating scale that have warranted the highest of all ratings from yours truly. I have very high standards about these things, you understand. At any rate, today's column, proposing that we blame our high school buddy and infinite source of comic relief, Ian Talty, for all of life's ills, was pure brilliance. It received one of the few "10s" that I have ever given.

Wait a minute! It just occurred to me that yesterday was Ian's 1st wedding anniversary. What a great anniversary present--suggesting on your website that people beat him with bats and punch him in the throat. If I could give you an "11", I would.

Ahh, yes. The Daily Ramblings column rating scale, found at the bottom of each column. At least somebody uses it (shaking fists at readers). Anyway, I'm still blaming Ian for everything, including the lack of use of the Daily Ramblings column rating scale. For the rest of you, there's still plenty of blaming to do, and a lot of time to do it. If spending every Wednesday night playing the Othello board game (A minute to learn . . . a lifetime to master!) has taught me anything, it's that blaming things on people is fun and profitable. For instance, last week I lost a game of Othello to Agnes, but by saying she bumped the table while I was moving my disc, I was able to get her to forfeit her victory. All it took was some shouting and a few angry shoves.

Our next e-mail comes from Daniel in Santa Monica, CA. Is it fun to live in California, Daniel? I'd like to live there someday. Frankly, I'm freezing my ass off up here. Or rather, I will be once winter comes. Never mind. Anyway, Daniel was wondering about the favicon (the icon shown in the address bar of browsers that don't suck) my site uses.

I discovered your site through Google after entering a search for the "most popular software in the world". I ended up reading several "Ramblings" and browsing for the next half-hour, and decided to "bookmark" your site. When I did so, I noticed a favicon icon using the Handicap symbol was used - and wondered about the reasoning behind the choice/decision to use the symbol.

As Daniel said, the favicon for my site is the little handicap parking symbol of the person in a wheelchair.      I chose this favicon because many people consider me - and the contents of this site - to be retarded. But I'll tell you what isn't retarded: Othello (Did you know it took a supercomputer at the School of Mathematical Sciences in Nottingham two weeks to play a perfect game of four by four Othello? It did!). A few weeks ago, my Othello opponent Harold - who is 94 years old and uses an electronic breathing apparatus - came up with a wonderful joke. Ready? Why did Thor the Othello supercomputer cross the road? Because five discs on c6 through g6 were flipped back to white, poisoning black's move! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH LORDY! THAT'S ONE FINE OTHELLO JOKE!

But I digress.

Our final e-mail comes from Pamela in Duluth, who obviously reads my insanely popular column in the Reader Weekly newspaper. *Cough* While her e-mail doesn't pertain to anything on this website, and while the story she tells probably isn't true, it's still a fun story.

This one time, i threw up at a movie threatre when i was in line to see Zoolander. People moved away from me like i was going to throw up on them. Just because i puked on one girl doesnt mean im going to throw up on all 23 people that stood in line. And the girl didnt really care, she just started to cry.

That's a great "first date" story if I ever heard one. And I haven't. Don't say I never gave you any material for a first date, reader.

Wow, look at the time! I'm late for Othello (It's popular in Britain! No, really!) night. It's time for me to go, reader, but feel free to take a look at pictures from the 2000 British Othello Championships. My favorite pictures are this one, this one, and this one.

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Reader Comments

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Katers      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   I like the last guy, he looks like he\'s taking a shit while watching people play Othello hippie from picture      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   hey, othello is the shit, dont diss it, or I\'ll turn your disc flipping ass into a pretzel TractorInc      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   I liked the last one. And the crazy hippie one.

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