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They all suck: a non-partisan look at the California candidates ...................Paul Ryan
To put it bluntly, I'm glad I won't be able to vote in this recall election, because the candidates are all whiny, idiotic jackasses. Today we'll take a look at these jackasses, and point out why each of them are utterly useless to anyone other than the undertaker waiting for their demise.
Speaking of Schwarzenegger being an asshat, let's list a few of the numerous things Schwarzenegger knows absolutely nothing about:
While Huffington may have a shot at the governor position, she's still one of the scariest women on the planet when it comes to politics. I'm not a fan of anyone who tries to stay on the fringe of so many different political parties. Pick an affiliation and stick with it, you pompous red-haired goon.
Also, one of his main issues is to cut worker's comp. God forbid someone who's injured on the job should be able to feed their family. But I'm sure McClintock doesn't care, since his job would never require worker's comp in a thousand years. Self-centered jerkoff.
Sadly, that last paragraph is probably an accurate slogan. Bustamante seems decent, but I haven't heard much from him. Frankly, he seems to be going with the philosophy of "Hey, I'm already here as lieutenant governor, why not make me governor, too?" He seems to be the "just in case" guy who doesn't really show any initiative or effort. But I guess he's the best bet, since he has a good track record. I'll also give him props for admitting how stupid this whole recall election is, and how it pushes states towards perpetual politics.
Camejo is nuts. Just plain nuts. There's good liberals, and there's liberals who are so sensitive that they sit at home crying and hugging a pink Care Bear most of their day. Camejo is the pink Care Bear liberal.
Anyway, vote for the dog. Not only is the dog mute, but he/she/it looks perpetually happy. He/she/it is like Richard Simmons after downing enough Prozac to fill a wheelbarrow. Obviously, the dog has the attitude needed to turn California's frown upside down. All the dog needs is a name. Perhaps we can name him/her/it after this recall election. Yeah, let's name the dog "Sham".
2 oz. white rum
Put the lime juice and sugar into a glass and stir until dissolved. Rub the mint leaves on the inside of the glass and discard. Fill the glass with crushed ice and rum. Stir. Fill with rest of the glass with soda water and garnish it with a sprig of mint. Actually, screw that. No garnish. I disapprove of garnish.
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The first and (thank God) only California governor's debate took place Wednesday night, and while none of the five channels I get on my television aired it, I was able to catch a rebroadcast of the debate on the radio. After listening for five minutes, I walked to the bathroom and got some aspirin. After listening for 15 minutes, I grabbed an ice pack from the freezer and put it on my head. After listening to the entire debate, I grabbed a towel to catch the blood oozing out of my ears.
If there's one thing I've enjoyed about this recall election (and there is only one thing), it's that I now have a picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger getting hit with an egg. Even if Schwarzenegger - who is an asshat of epic proportions - wins this recall election, it'll still be worth it simply for the picture.
Huffington is intelligent and seems to be informed about the issues, but will anyone really be able to stand listening to her for more than five seconds? She's more arrogant than . . . well, than me. And that's really freakin' arrogant.
McClintock, like Huffington, seems somewhat rational, but don't be fooled. He's a scum-sucking leech. He's been drooling ever since the energy crisis, knowing it was his opportunity to take the helm in California, and become a hero among Republicans. His website has more conspiracy theories about current governor Gray Davis than a Star Wars fan does about Steven Spielberg's final crapfest prequel. He's nothing but a scavenger, which is never a good thing.
Vote for me, Cruz Bustamante! You're liberal and from California, and I'm the only Democrat who has a chance! You have no choice but to vote for me!
"Even I Don't Know What the Hell I'm Talking About"
This gigantic dog was advertising a check cashing place near my apartment building today. I doubt he/she/it is running for governor of California, but I'd still vote for him/her/it. I'm not sure if he/she/it is neutered/spayed/impotized, but I didn't see the gigantic dog humping anyone, so I assume someone has taken care of everything in that area.
