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Paul gets an operation done ...................Paul Ryan
Male nurse: What kind of operation? Paul: An operation on my, uh . . . thing. Male nurse: Which thing? Paul: The thing in my pants. Male nurse: Which thing in your pants? Paul: Which thing in my pants do you think?? Male nurse: I'm not a mind reader, sir. However, I am a fortune teller. Paul: Oh yeah? Prove it. Male nurse: Your lucky number is seven. Paul: Lying bastard. My lucky number is 17,482. Male nurse: Indeed I am. Is there anything else I can do for you today, sir? Paul: Yes, I'd like an operation done. Male nurse: What kind of operation? Paul: (Vomits in nearby trash can) Male nurse: Are you all right? Paul: Yes, sorry. Monotony makes me vomit. I'd like an operation to reduce my wang. Male nurse: Reduce your wang? Paul: Yes, it's too large. Male nurse: I wasn't aware that such things could be too large. Paul: Oh, they certainly can. Once in high school, I nearly killed our gym teacher while we were doing jumping jacks. Male nurse: That's rather disturbing. Paul: Yeah, and I'm permanently banned from many shops that sell breakable items. Male nurse: That's a little more than I needed to know. Paul: One time at the supermarket, I knocked over an entire display of tangerines. Male nurse: What part of "more than I need to know" don't you understand? Paul: Sorry. So can I have the reduction done? Male nurse: Well, it's not quite that simple. We've never done one of those operations before. To be perfectly honest, we've never even studied it. We never thought any man in his right mind would want a reduction. Paul: Well I'm sick of wearing sweat pants all the time "just in case". Male nurse: Stop that! I don't want to hear any more examples! Paul: Then set up an operation for me! If Lorena Bobbitt did it without any previous medical training, it shouldn't be too hard for a real doctor. Male nurse: Would you like us to throw it in a field after we're done with it? Paul: No, I just want you to chop it off, remove some of it, and reattach it. Male nurse: Ugh. You make it sound like a haircut. Sir, this is not "locks of love", and we're not able to donate the extra bits to people in need. Paul: I'm not asking you to do that. I just want a normal wang. Male nurse: How long is normal? Paul: I'm not sure. You work in a doctor's office. You tell me. Male nurse: Well I don't fingerprint them, for crying out loud. We just take everyone's height and weight. Besides, I don't think anyone knows the "normal" length. Didn't some study say five inches is normal? Paul: Most of the women I've talked to seem to think normal is about two inches. I'm not sure if they were joking or not. Male nurse: Let's go with that as a "normal" length then. It improves my self-esteem. Paul: Great! I'd like to reduce my wang to two inches, please! Warm, cold, or active? Paul: What? Male nurse: Do you want it to be two inches at room temperature, two inches after swimming in cold water, or two inches when you're . . . ahem . . . "active"? Paul: Which is "normal"? Male nurse: Good God, how should I know? Paul: Well you have one of your own, don't you? Male nurse: Are you accusing me of being only two inches? I'll kill you! Paul: I thought two inches was normal. Male nurse: Oh, yes. It certainly is. How about two inches at room temperature? Paul: Sounds good. Can I be "a grower, not a show-er", like some guys say? I've always liked the sound of that. Male nurse: I'm not sure science can yet reproduce such a thing. Paul: Why not? Male nurse: Well, you see, we have these things we're trying to cure called cancer and AIDS. Advances in reproduction of penis functions tend to be restricted to the adult toys industry. Paul: Ah, I see. So should I show up next week for my reduction? Male nurse: Just show up whenever. We'll have one of the janitors take you out back in the parking lot with some pinking shears. Paul: All right! Updated today: Perverted Poll
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Paul: Hello, I'd like an operation done.
