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My crappy two dollar radar detector was stolen ...................Paul Ryan
This is odd, because the radar detector isn't really worth stealing. It doesn't detect all the different types of radar, the suction cup part of it has broken off, and it beeps constantly, whether there's a cop around or not. Things that set off the radar detector include footsteps, the chattering of squirrels, other cars, wind hitting the windshield, and temperatures higher than 10 degrees. The only good thing about the old radar detector is it was so unreliable that I didn't have to worry about mounting it on the dashboard. I could plug it in and throw it under the passenger seat, and it would work just as well. Some people might be angry about having this radar detector stolen, but not me. I was overjoyed when I saw it was stolen, because 1) It saved me the hassle of walking all the way to the dumpster to throw it away, and 2) It gave me an excuse to go buy a much cooler one.
Actually, I'm a liar. The ESD-9110 is the same as all those other ones. But it has a different number, and the description of the nearly identical features are described using different adjectives. Personally, I'd much rather have "LaserEye 360-degree ultra detection" than "LaserEye 360-degree all around detection". Wouldn't you? Anyway, this radar detector's features include icons for each type of radar it detects, automatic lowering of the volume when the beeping goes on longer than a few seconds, a rating system to show how close the radar gun is on a scale of 1-5, and a setting that estimates your car's RPM's and doesn't beep if the RPM's falls below a certain level (it estimates the car's RPM by sound). Also, this new detector doubles as a waffle iron. Dee-licious! Of course, there are some features missing from this new detector. For instance, there's no voice alerts. I'd prefer to be alerted not by beeps and little lights on the detector, but by a voice I can customize. I would have it say "Oink, oink" when a radar gun was detected, and I'd also program it to tell me I'm pretty during random moments of the day. Another feature I'd like is to not only detect radar guns, but to also detect the bad driving of other drivers. You'd prop a megaphone on top of the car that you could hook the detector up to, and whenever the detector senses that someone has cut you off, it lets loose a string of computerized profanity. This feature could save people a lot of effort. We here at Daily Ramblings despise effort. We see it as being a sort of disease that is in need of curing, like scoliosis or genital herpes. A lot of people may ask why I need a radar detector. Am I a lawbreaker? Do I need to drive fast to justify my manliness? Am I a moron who would rather pay $70 for a radar detector than slow down 5 mph more than usual? Yes, yes, and hell yes. But more than anything, I just enjoy wasting money. I'm just crossing my fingers that the thief won't come back and steal my new radar detector, too.
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My radar detector was stolen from my car the other day. The thief didn't take the stereo, the coins in the change tray, or even the various copies of The Newspaper
- which are immensely valuable because parts of them were written by me. No, the thief just took my cheap, beaten up, six-year-old radar detector and ran.
The new radar detector I bought is a Cobra ESD-9110. Are you familiar with the ESD-9110, reader? I know everyone's heard of the ESD-9160, and of course no one could forget getting their first ESD-9860 CS, but the ESD-9110 is a little different.
