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Halloween costume grading ...................Paul Ryan
 This is what you dress your kid up in when he's too fat for a Halloween costume. I'd give it five minutes before he barfs all over the green collar. Poor kid. As you can see, his mom is wearing a tye-die shirt, so he's destined to wear crappy clothing for the rest of his childhood. Halloween will be every day for this poor bastard. Grade: C
 Beep beep! It's the crappiest school bus ever! Watch out if one of the rear tires raises up, because that means the bus has to pee. Come on, people, the whole point of having a school bus is that it runs on gasoline instead of dog power, so that way it doesn't hunch up and take a crap every hour or so. Grade: D
 Excuse me, but your pelvis appears to be located in your stomach. That might be a problem if you ever have a girlfriend or wife you'd like to have sex with. You also seem to have no muscles attaching your bones to your body. And your costume appears to have been made using a black shirt and a crappy fingerpainting kit. While most people would give you bonus points for having a homemade costume, I won't, because your homemade costume sucks a fat ass. Grade: D-
 Uh oh! Did someone wipe poop all over your clothes and face? Or did your father get angry at you again and pelt you with charcoal? Oh, you're supposed to be a leopard. No wonder you hardly got any candy, with a dumbass costume like that. Next time, why don't you just write "I'm a leopard" in black marker on a white t-shirt. It'll be just as impressive. Grade: C-
 What are you supposed to be? Yourself in 20 years? Just a few tips to make it more realistic: your breasts will sag more, your upper lip will be hairier, and that mop of overgrown pubes on your head that you call hair will be a bad dye job . . . no, never mind the bad dye job. Your hair looks bad enough on its own. P.S. You're ugly and sweaty, like a 300-pound man after a strenuous farting contest. Make sure not to raise your arms, otherwise everyone will see your pit stains. Grade: C-
 Damnit, why are you doing this to me, kid? For God's sake, pick up whatever dignity you have left and go home. Who the hell goes out for Halloween dressed as swiss cheese? Boy, it sure takes a lot of effort to cut holes in a yellow sheet and buy a novelty Green Bay Packers hat. Could someone please fetch the waiter? This piece of cheese I ordered has a loser in it. Grade: F
 Holy crap, kid! That's the shittiest costume I've ever seen! This is what happens when talentless asshatted costume designers attempt to recreate Japanese anime with cheap polyester rags. Is the hairstyle inflatable? It looks like a bright yellow potty training toilet turned upside-down . . . with pee leaking all over the outside of it. Oh, and nice rings around the eyes, Tina Turner. I know this is supposed to be the Powerpuff Girls, but the quality is so bad that it makes the kid look like a crossdressing prostitute who was just beaten by a pimp. Grade: F
 Wow. Nice flight attendant costume. I honestly can't find a single thing wrong with this costume. If flight attendants wore outfits like this, I'd pay to fly five miles to work and back each day. Then I'd pretend I forgot something at home, just so I could fly back again. Grade: A+
 Hey kid, what are you supposed to be? Mentally retarded? It sure looks like it. You look like a gigantic gopher with six udders hanging on your sides. Why not add six breasts to the costume and go trick-or-treating as the ultimate unisex blowup doll? Seriously, the first thing I think of when I see the top of this costume is a gopher barfing up a small child's head. If the eyes and teeth weren't crudely pasted on the costume, I'd think it was a gopher passing a child through its anus. Look for yourself. That's what it freakin' looks like. Grade: D-
 Does this guy have a hard-on? It's hard to tell in that costume, but I'm pretty sure he does. I guess it's hard not to get excited when you have big fluffy hands like that. Freakin' pervert. A note for you parents out there: THIS IS WHAT A CHILD MOLESTER LOOKS LIKE. Grade: F
Wow, it's not every day you see a midget version of Joan Rivers dressing up as a gay vampire. Why does the vampire have blood makeup on his eyebrows, too? That's just stupid. If someone took a hairy dump that looked like Eddie Munster, this is what it would look like. P.S. Nice red cummerbund, you dink. Make sure to tie your dong between your legs, so the guys don't realize you're tricking them. Grade: C
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