Invest in my chest

For years, women have suffered oppression. They have been harassed, whistled at by construction workers, paid less than their male equals, and splooged on in adult films. But today, the tables have turned, and I, a man, have been oppressed.

I've always believed that harassment works both ways, but I've never had proof. You can't say men are harassed by women, because we drool every time a woman actually talks to us. You can't say men are whistled at, because if we are, we enjoy it immensely. You can't say men are paid less than women unless you're talking about Oprah Winfrey, and everyone knows Oprah is really just Dr. Phil in drag. As for the adult films, I've only seen heterosexual ones, so I wouldn't know.

And I don't care to, you sick little monkeys. Keep your dirty home videos to yourself.

After all these years of searching, I've finally found proof of male oppression. This horrible oppression comes at the hands of www.investinmychest.com, a website with a rather sickening purpose. It allows women to post their picture, in hopes that people (see "lonely men") will donate money to them for breast implants.

I've never known anyone with breast implants, but I still don't like fake breasts. I realize I'll get flack from every guy I know for this, but the idea of fake boobs just creeps me out. Something's just not right about boobs that don't move. If I made Jell-O, and it didn't jiggle, I'd probably think it was bad and throw it away. The same goes for breasts.

And now that I've made a comparison between breasts and Jell-O, I'll never get a date again.

When the women who put their pictures and profiles on this website earn enough donations for breast implants, the website pays the money to a licensed surgeon of the woman's choosing. This is, of course, a gigantic scam, because any money that isn't applied towards breast implants is kept by the owner of the website. The website has been going since July or so, and the most donations any woman has received is $93.91. No woman will ever get enough for implants, so the website owner just gets everything.

To be honest, I'm really jealous I didn't think up this idea first.

Anyway, I decided to break the gender barrier on the website, and submit my own picture and profile. If all went well, I would soon be on my way to getting those C-cup breasts I've always wanted. Goodbye forever, training bra!

But my profile was denied, and I can only guess it's because of my gender. Why can't guys be on this website? Guys need boobs, too. Some guys have such bad luck with women that we they have no choice but to get our their own boobs.

Actually, I'm not bad with all women, I've just never tried anything but straight women. With larger breasts, I'm hoping to date some lesbians.

After reading that last paragraph, my mom will become concerned and call me requesting an explanation. To quote part of our upcoming conversation: "No mom, I didn't really mean it. Yes mom, I agree men wouldn't look attractive with breasts. No mom, I'm not worried about the lesbians becoming irate and hunting me down for the joke I made."

It's time for www.investinmychest.com to learn how fed up we are with discrimination and oppression! It's time to fight back! E-mail the site's webmaster now, and tell them to start accepting men!

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Reader Comments

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crgirl21@HOTMAIL.COM        MISTY      Jul 10, 2004 • 1:43pm   THE SITE TOOK VERY PERSONAL PICTURES OF OURS FOR THERE OWN FINANCIAL GAIN AND EXPOSED US UNDER FALSE PRETENCE. WE ALL SHOULD BE FILING SUITE AGAINST THEM. HEATHER I WILL BE CALLING YOU NEXT WEEK TO GET ALL THE INFO. Starry      Jul 6, 2004 • 1:19am   I have an account with invest in my breast as well. I am joining in with the class action lawsuit to bring her down! What a naughty woman! Heather Hamptons      Jul 5, 2004 • 7:45pm   Investinmybreast.com is 100% fruad. I reached my goal and they will not release my funds to my surgeon as promised. They are now facing a class action lawsuit. ashlee      May 7, 2004 • 12:18am   I'm actually on investinmybreast.com,I agree it's some kind of scam.However I am recieving donations and it's free so I figured why not.I had great breast but after losing a ton of weight I lost my breast in return,and unfortunatley implants are the only way to get nice,full,perky breast. Pen Thief      Feb 12, 2004 • 6:34pm   I created this investinmybreast site as a coverup to a much larger scandle! You see...I am a clepto...I steal innocent people's pens and then taunt them with pictures of their missing babies! But lets not go into the past...just visit the site...no pen photos...I swear! Shaun      Nov 5, 2003 • 6:04pm   Yes and besides which,am i the only male in the world who thinks women with small breasts are attractive? Small breasted women should leave their tits the hell alone.However,the detested droopy-titted women should consider a lift.Whatever morals i might have don't play any role at all in the subject of enhanced females.Lets summarize: small tits=leave alone droopy tits=consider lift. Done. zam      Nov 5, 2003 • 4:51am   Jello breast molds....I bet those exist. A friend of mine made a penis cake this weekend in her penis cake pan. Scapegoat Of The Universe      Nov 4, 2003 • 3:27pm   AMEN! PREACH IT, SISTA!

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