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The ultimate Christmas gift ..................Paul Ryan
I may be young, but I'm no rookie when it comes to giving annoying Christmas gifts. This year I went out of my way. Whenever you ask my dad what he wants for Christmas, he always says "Socks and underwear; now that's something I can use!" So for once, I bought my father exactly what he wanted. I got him pink socks with kittens on them, and Depends adult diapers. I wrapped the socks and stylish elderly underoos in a box, and taped it to another wrapped box marked "Open me first". When my dad opened that box, he found a smaller box inside, also wrapped. When he unwrapped that box, he found yet another one. When he unwrapped that box, he found an envelope. Inside the envelope was a piece of paper with "Please see other box" written on it. You may think I'm a jackass, but my dad can't complain. I learned this trick from him. I hope my dad appreciates this annoying gift. It took a lot of dedication on my part. Not only did I have to search through the women's "unspeakables" section at Target looking for pink socks with kittens on them, but I had to get the Depends diapers from the back of the store and sprint to the registers without being seen (and labeled as a bedwetter). I took the football approach, sprinting through the store while shielding the diapers with one arm, and stiffarming anyone who dared to gaze too closely.
Me: You ain't seen nothin'! POW, biatch!
In one last crafty move, my dad took my car keys while I was out with my brother, and hid the Depends in the trunk of my car. Luckily, I found them while searching for something else in the trunk. I used masking tape to secure the package of Depends to a clothes hanger, which I hung behind some shirts in my dad's closet. I attached a note to the Depends that said, "Nice try old man, but you'll never beat me." This taunting will ensure the "Hide the adult diapers" joke will continue through the next six months. Come next Christmas, one of us will probably wrap the Depends package and try to stuff it in the other's stocking. We might break a world record for longest time owning a package of adult diapers without actually using them. If the feud continues for enough years, my dad may eventually have a use for the Depends. When that time comes, I can pass them off as my gift to him, saving me a few dollars. That Christmas will be the merriest one yet. Updated today: Perverted Poll
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My dad thought he was clever this Christmas. He wrapped Comet toilet cleaner in pretty paper and tried to pass it off to me as a Christmas gift. When I opened my "gift", he chuckled, obviously pleased with himself. I shot a wicked smile back at him and said, "Yours is coming, old man." Little did he know I was serious.
