Oh shit

Attention readers,
This is the Weathermen Underground, a radical 1960s militant group that has reunited today and taken over the Daily Ramblings website. We bombed Paul Ryan's La Crosse, WI apartment last night and stole his computer. The security for this website has been overtaken, and our operatives are replacing his American government propaganda with truthful articles about the resistance.

Um, by the way, if you look at our picture, you may notice a certain person on the far left who should not be there. We are not sure why Al Roker has joined us. We tried to tell him Weathermen Underground is a violent militant protest group, not a weather forecasting team, but he won't listen. He just keeps following us around, asking when we're going to stop for lunch.

Ass.

Anyway, today is Paul's birthday, and our bombing on this special day is no coincidence. It is blatant symbolism. As Paul Ryan gets a year older, that means your ignorance of the true resistance also grows a year older. Paul Ryan has always led you down the path of peaceful protest, which has proven worthless. This country's administration doesn't understand peace. Predators only understand strength, and to win, we must become violent.

What? Oh, and Roker says today will be a good day to become violent, because it will be warm and sunny, with a slight breeze. What? No! Tell that fat bastard to get lost. We're writing a manifesto here, and I will not humiliate our movement by including a big smiley sun graphic so people know it'll be sunny.

Anyway, Paul Ryan would tell you that voting this fall is the only way to change this country. But what if that fails? What if the current administration gets re-elected? The time for violence is now! Will you stand around with your hands in your pockets while another atrocity like the murder of Black Panther Fred Hampton occurs?

Come on! Surely you know who Fred Hampton is. He was a legendary member of the Black Panthers in the 1960s. He was murdered by the FBI, which is what started our bombing campaigns. What do you mean "What bombing campaigns?" What the hell did you kids learn in school, anyway?!? Damn the public school system! Didn't they teach you anything about 1960s conflicts? The Weathermen lived underground for close to 10 years, hiding from the FBI, and for what? So nobody would remember us? Come on, people!

Shut up, Roker! Your cabin at "fat camp" doesn't count as underground!

Okay, let's focus here, people. Remember the 1969 "Days of Rage" protest in Chicago, which led to one of the most notorious American riots of this century? No? Damn it! Do you remember when we bombed the U.S. Capitol and the Pentagon, as well as various other police buildings throughout the early 1970s? No? Damn it! Do you remember when we helped Dr. Timothy Leary, the LSD guy, break out of prison? NO? OH, DAMN IT TO HELL!

What? Oh, Roker says he was wrong before. It's not going to be sunny. He says anarchists should be sure to wear a warm sweater and mittens when committing acts of local terrorism today.

Anyway, we give up. You damn kids don't care about anything interesting that happened throughout history. No wonder today's anti-war movements are filled almost entirely with boneheaded losers who don't know the issues and are just looking to get laid.

The next time you ignorant, lazy bastards are listening to a Bob Dylan album and pretending you understand it, maybe you should put down the reefer for a minute and actually read a goddamn newspaper, so you'll know what you're talking about when you're "protesting" things.

Oh, and Roker says if you're putting the reefer down, he wants to take a hit off it first.

Wait a minute. Why do you get to take a hit off it, Roker? We're the ones who lived in sheds at a damn marina and slept on people's floors for nearly a decade! We'll be taking the hits off that moocah. What? Are you threatening me, chunk gut? That's it!

For (actually factual) information on the Weathermen Underground:
· A brief synopsis of the group
· A timeline of the group (only goes to 1970)
· A fantastic documentary on the group
· An excellent book on the group
· Actual FBI files on the group

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Reader Comments

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Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm        Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm        Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm        Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm        Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm        Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   Dead Fred H.      Feb 7, 1105 • 11:00am   Virtually everyone who is now living in, and enjoying the enormous material prosperity of modern America is hopelessly compromised, stupified and incapable of any effective action. Impeach Shrubbya! jojo      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   holy crap, I watched some of that too! But paul, if you watched the documentary you would notice that there were retarded people protesting with no cause back then too. Like the acid tripping hippie who over and over repeated that the weathermen were \"far out\", she said it 14 times in a one minute interview! Scapegoat      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   The FBI file on the Weather Underground has 420 pages. **420** martin      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   I just want it to be known that I watched the PBS documentery too!!!

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