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Warning: include(/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/56.php on line 49 Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening '/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php:/usr/local/php5/lib/pear') in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/56.php on line 49 It's 46 Degrees In My Apartment ...................Paul Ryan Yes, you read the headline right. It's 83 degrees outside, and my apartment is at about . . . ooooooooooh, I'd saaaaay . . . 46 degrees. Did I plan for such a thing? You bet I did. You see, here at Elliott Arms Apartments–a name which sounds like one of the quiet, creepy, antique-filled apartment buildings from the "Ghostbusters" movie–the management is very trusting, even with younger residents such as myself. When I moved in, the manager noted that the air conditioners have a way of breaking down. Apparently, they have to fix them quite often. Henceforth (a phrase which doesn’t make any sense at all in this context), the conversation: Building Owner: The air conditioners break all the time, so don't count on always having a cooled apartment. Suave Paul: So, in order to keep my security deposit, I should probably just forget about using the air conditioner at all, right?
Building Owner: Oh, no, it won't affect your deposit. If it breaks, we'll try and fix it. But no matter what, we won't hold it against your deposit. Ha ha! That's something they never should have told me! If it doesn't affect my deposit, I'm going to blast the ultracool on this thing until it shakes and nearly falls out the window. It is shaking, too. Quite badly. The window is rattling slightly. It's taken roughly two straight days of running the air conditioner on "hi" with the coldest setting, but it was worth it. This apartment is now ice cream safe. Meaning, I could eat an entire ice cream sandwich without it being even the slightest bit melted, and without the chocolate parts of the sandwich sticking to my fingers in gigantic clumps. Anyone who doesn't understand the ice cream sandwich "chocolate clumps on your hands" problem is likely a communist who you should have arrested. It's just common knowledge, people. But let’s go back to the air conditioning. I’ve spent a good portion of this evening just sitting here being cold. Granted, it’s a little too cold for my taste, but to hell with it. If I can break the air conditioner without consequences, I’m going to break the air conditioner. Sure, it’s freezing in here and I’m thinking of putting on a sweatshirt, but that’s not the point. The point is, I enjoy breaking things, and the air conditioner is a free ride. I just hope they’ll fix it fast so the heat won’t get too bad in here.
Don’t worry, though. I’ll keep you updated. Next week, I’ll write a column about what the repairman said when he came to fix the air conditioner, and found the apartment to be cold enough to freeze ground beef.
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