Two old men at last night's council meeting

City council meetings are almost always boring, but at last night's meeting, I learned a valuable lesson: council meetings are funnier when there's old men in suspenders sitting in the back disrupting things.

It's not like the old men were trying to disrupt the meeting. They're just old, and are hard of hearing. So while they thought they were talking in soft voices, they were actually TALKING PRETTY LOUD HEY MORT, DO YOU GET MUCH WATER IN YOUR BASEMENT?

The suspenders, of course, completed the whole experience. It was like the time I ate lunch at the VFW.

The old men were sitting right behind me, so I could most of what they were talking about, despite their scraggly voices. Oh, and just so you get the proper atmosphere in your head, the guy on the left was wearing green suspenders and a tweed hat (I'm not even making that up), and the guy on the right was wearing red suspenders. Both were wearing large glasses that made their eyeballs look freakin' huge.

Green suspenders: They never enforce those silt fences.

Red suspenders: No, people on the block always have silt runnin' in their backyards. Do you have silt in your backyard?

Green suspenders: No. Do you?

Red suspenders: No.

Green suspenders: They should really enforce that.

Red suspenders: I'm getting tired of them not enforcing it.

Green suspenders: I have to get my prescriptions tomorrow.

Mayor: Uh, excuse me, gentlemen. Could you keep it down? We can't hear over your talking.

Green suspenders: Apples will be coming soon.

Red suspenders: What?

Green suspenders: Huh?

Red suspenders: What?

Green suspenders: Apples. Early-season ones, like Gala, Cortland, and Heralson.

Red suspenders: GALA ARE MY FAVORITE. THEY'RE NICE AND CRISP.

Mayor: Gentlemen, please. We can still hear you. If you want to talk outside, that's fine, but our councilmen have to be able to hear each other talk.

Green suspenders: I feel like I'm in grade school again. Can't talk or nothin'.

Red suspenders: What?

Green suspenders: Heh heh! At least nowadays there's no physical punishment.

Red suspenders: I can't hear you!

Green suspenders: No principal's office, either. Heh heh!

Red suspenders: What?

Green suspenders: I think I'm gonna get going soon. Gettin' a little late.

Red suspenders: What? I can't hear you?

Red suspenders: HEY, WAIT UP. WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO?

Green suspenders: HUH? I TOLD YOU I WAS LEAVING.

Red suspenders: YOU WERE TALKIN' TOO SOFT.

Green suspenders: I SAID IT WAS GETTIN' LATE . . .

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Reader Comments

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hac      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   I plan to just throw beer cans from my porch at the kids walking to the mall. Jojo      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   I plan on doing cocaine when Im 80. InariKitsune      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   My older brother always tells me he plans to be crotchety and loud when he gets old. He\'s done impressions for me before, it\'s very similar. Paul Ryan      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   Old people just randomly show up for council meetings when they have nothing better to do. It\'s like a social thing for them, similar to how teenagers go to the mall just to hang out. Bec      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   Awesome column, I wish my school board meetings were like that. Did you figure out why they were there in the first place? Aaron J. Brown      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   During a performance of \"A Midsummer Night\'s Dream\" at the Hibbing Community College Theater a couple years ago, one older lady was heard saying, \"I can\'t believe one of the characters is named Hernia.\" Her husband replied, \"That\'s Hermia!\" \"What?\" she said. \"Hermia!\" \"I know isn\'t that funny.\" One of the actors almost lost it.

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