The troubled Ladd

Believe it or not, reader, Ladd is a real name. I didn't make it up, nor could I make up a name like "Ladd". I don't smoke enough pot to be able to think up such a ridiculous name. Unfortunately, Ladd's parents not only toked enough to think it up, they toked enough to think it was a good idea to bestow it upon a family member.

Poor Ladd. He has likely been taunted his whole life, which explains why he feels the need to compose paragraphs like the following one, taken from his website:

With an iconic representation of a structurally unsound bonsai that reminds us of nothing more than the lolling tongue of a pug, and the many other scabrously offensive musical Òcontrols,Ó SonicMood may be the most purpurate product ever to come out of Bit of Paradise Products.

Apparently, no one told poor Ladd that Dennis Miller's style of comedy went out in the early '90s, along with New Kids on the Block, HyperColor t-shirts, and Wayne's World phrases like "Schwing!"

Comments like the one I just made are the reason why Ladd dislikes me, and has banned me from commenting on his website. It's also why Ladd recently informed me via e-mail that I produce "irritating behavior".

Before receiving correspondence from Ladd, I thought his overuse of a thesaurus was just a clever writing persona, performed for comedic effect. Sadly, he writes like that in casual e-mails as well. Tsk tsk. Pretending you're smart won't make you smart, Ladd. If knowing how to program in C++ were the defining factor in IQ tests, perhaps you'd be as smart as you pretend to be, but sadly, it's only computer industry people like yourself who deem programming skills to be the essence of intelligence.

The rest of us just deem it to be boring.

But please, Ladd, I implore you. Don't take out your frustrations on me. I'm merely a man who likes to make jokes. And yes, when you run a website I frequent, sometimes those jokes will be aimed at you or your unattractive sister. And if you have a hermaphroditic-looking brother who has a girly name, sometimes the jokes will be aimed at him as well. Don't let it anger you, Ladd. It's just business, not personal. I can't turn off the jokes any more than your sister can turn off the ugly.

I have faith in you, Ladd. When I look at your photo, I don't see a thin-skinned crybaby. I see a slightly overweight, poorly-shaven man who doesn't wash his hair often, but has a heart that wants to reach out to comedy and humor. I see a man who can take a joke or two, especially funny ones involving his sister being penetrated in the anus with a wooden spoon.

Don't be mad, Ladd, be glad. Don't let my accurate jokes make you sad.

Listening to The Kicks is like hearing every style of rock band rolled into one. They're part rock, part punk, part indie, and part emo. They're not too loud, but not too soft. Only one factor seems to be confirmed: they're good. Check them out and see for yourself. Also, in case you didn't notice, WMS has a new, more professional look. It looks like an mp3 player now, allows you to choose when to start playing it, and has a bar to control the volume. I'll be adding more as I find more time. Music archives

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Reader Comments

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Katers      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   Wayne\'s World will NEVER go out of style. It\'s a classic. em      Dec 31, 1969 • 4:00pm   Phrases like \"shwing\" are still cool.

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