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How to make James Bond movies better Paul Ryan The other day I was watching "From Russia With Love", the best James Bond film ever, and I started thinking how the Bond movies they make today would be so much better if they just took a few tips from the old ones. The modern ones are still pretty good, but they've gone downhill in recent years, mostly because of the pressure to bring in more money. I say to hell with money. The profits will be bigger if the film is good, and there are a few things Bond filmmakers need to do to make the new ones as good as the old ones:
First thing's first. There's rumor that Pierce Brosnan won't be doing any more Bond movies, and though I doubt that's true, if it is, a good Bond will be the biggest issue. The actor playing Bond completely makes or breaks a Bond movie. I absolutely can't stand to watch a Timothy Dalton Bond film, but I can watch even the bad Brosnan ones, because he's good in the role. A good Bond needs to be an unknown, and most of the names being discussed as hypothetical replacements for Brosnan are too famous. Hugh Jackman? Orlando Bloom? Give me a break. The whole point of a Bond movie is to get lost in the fantasy, and you can't do that when it's a big name actor. Seeing Jackman play Bond would mess up that fantasy, because I've seen Jackman in too many other roles. I'd keep wondering when his Wolverine claws were going to come out. If Bloom were playing Bond, I'd start imagining little elf ears on him. There hasn't ever been a Bond who was well-known before the role, so pick some unknown English guy and go with it. Rest easy knowing that no matter who you pick, they can't be worse than George Lazenby.
The casting for Bond girls has been crap in recent films. Much like the Bond character, a Bond girl needs to be an unknown. People see these movies so they can lose themselves in the fantasy, and it's a little tough to imagine yourself being a secret agent and meeting Halle Berry. There's no mystery to her. She's a celebrity, so we know everything about her. Hell, we've even seen her breasts. No celebrity like her can quite pull off the "mysterious beautiful woman" role. It's sad that Bond filmmakers are so desperate to make their movies blockbusters that they'll ruin them by casting Bond girls who are already famous. The Bond girl role is supposed to be career suicide, not a career reviver. This bad trend started with Teri Hatcher in "Tomorrow Never Dies", continued with Denise Richards in "The World is Not Enough", and hit bottom with Halle Berry in "Die Another Day". Sadly, the reason the latest movie made so much money is because it had both Brosnan and Berry headlining together, but seriously, which of these Bond girls is more appealing in a spy movie?
 I think the choice is clear.
Watch "From Russia With Love", and you'll notice that almost every shot in the film looks perfect. The scenic landscapes and mysterious city locales are part of what makes the film so great. But what do we have in the modern Bond movies? In "Die Another Day", we had a fake frozen igloo and some generic tropical beach scenes. Where's the mystery? Where's the intrigue in the background shots behind the characters? I realize foreign lands don't feel as mysterious these days as they used to. With the Internet and thousands of TV channels, people don't have to go to a movie theatre to see exotic locations. However, that doesn't mean we wouldn't still enjoy it. In "You Only Live Twice", another great Connery Bond film, the streets of Japan are mystical and alluring. In "From Russia With Love", there's great shots from rustic buildings in Istanbul, train stations in Yugoslavia, and canals in Venice. In "The World is Not Enough", we have shots from Turkey, Spain, and the Swiss Alps, but they all look as generic as if they had been filmed in the United States. The spy feeling is lost if the locations don't have a bit of mystery added to them.
I don't ask for much in this category, but the special effects in "Die Another Day" were terrible. Computer Generated Imagery is big these days, but it's still not perfect. Stay away from it until it is. That scene at the beginning of the movie where Brosnan surfs into shore was pathetic. It was like watching an old Annette and Frankie beach movie. The invisible car was almost as bad. When I saw this movie in the theater, the audience groaned out loud at that part. I realize invisibility is something scientists are actually working on as we speak, but on the screen it's still a little too "out there" for people to believe.
Oh, and one more thing. If Britney Spears bothers you again, stuff her in a sack and throw her in the river, just like you'd do with unwanted kittens.
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I turn down a job opportunity in Hinckley
