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Go away. I'm playing video games Paul Ryan Uh oh. I don't think I'm going to be able to write a column today, reader. I just checked my mailbox, and there's a slight problem:
 Remember last Friday, when I posted that column where I compared all the different online DVD rental services? Well, I did another one for Saturday's column where I compared all the online video game rental services. The problem with this, of course, is I didn't just gather the information and post it, I got involved. Yes, I signed up for every free trial I could. So I opened my mailbox after work, and found 16 little envelopes with movies and Playstation 2 games in them. There were so many of them, they fell out of the mailbox when I opened it. How can I write a column today when I have eight movies to watch and six games to master? I have to return them all within the week. But the funniest part is there's still more coming. This is just the first day of the grand arrival of free DVDs and video games. This is only about half of them Damn it, why did I use up those vacation days at work already? For those of you who aren't pompous Internet columnists who write daily columns because you want people to pay attention to you every day, I would highly recommend signing up for all these free trials. It's awesome. When all the DVDs and video games arrive in the mail, it's like freakin' Christmas. You can't remember what the hell you ordered, so everything's a surprise. "Maximo: Army of Zin and James Bond: Everything or Nothing for Playstation 2? Cool! Mary-Kate and Ashley Sweet 16 for Gamecube? What the fuck?" Either way, I'm determined to play all the games and watch all the movies. I don't care if I have to play a movie on my laptop at the same time I'm playing another movie on my regular TV and DVD player. I'm going to watch these damn things. Are you jealous, reader? You should be. Every day is Christmas for me, while every day is poopy pants disappointment for you. However, if you're not jealous of me for all the free movies and games I'm getting, you should be jealous of me for being one of the few to get this sweet deal from Woot before they sold out of them. They had 275 of them to sell, and sold out 20 minutes after they posted it. That's almost one sale every four seconds. Craziness.
Anyway, I just wanted to point out how awesome I am. But I've gotta get back to playing Mary-Kate and . . . or, I mean, Madden 2004. Yeah, that's it. I'm playing Madden 2004.
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