Book stores are not a place for asshattery

Out of all the businesses where you think you'd see rude partisan politics from customers, a book store is near the bottom of the list. It's somewhere between "shoe repairman" and "porn star". People in book stores are normally very quiet. Sure, you have political books by Al Franken, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Moore, Sean Hannity, and a host of other partisan writers, but book store customers are usually pretty laid back.

Or at least they used to be.

My mom works at a Barnes & Noble, and in talking to her the other day, I was surprised to learn how unruly some political nutcases have become. Unruly at a political rally or protest? Understandable. Unruly on the Internet? Sure. Unruly at concerts or other public events? I guess. But how retarded do you have to be to get unruly at a book store? It's like "Nerds Gone Wild".

Apparently, the latest batch of lamers have been brought forth by "Unfit For Command", a book where a veteran speaks out against John Kerry. This book didn't come out until a few days ago, but the media has been discussing it for the past month. So for the last two weeks, my mom has been taunted by conservative asshats yelling at her and ranting about how Barnes & Noble is anti-Bush because it's "refusing" to carry the book.

Of course, the first response to such asshattery is to politely explain to the person that the book hasn't come out yet. Unfortunately, as is true with most political turds, once they think they've been wronged by their version of "those other people", they won't listen to common sense.

Now that the book's out, the asshattery continues, because the book comes from a very small publishing company that can't quite keep up with demand. So many places sold out of the book, which leads the right-wing crackpots to assume that the liberals of the world have concocted an evil plan to keep dissenting books out of stock. Never mind the fact that a huge company like Barnes & Noble wants profits, not politics.

When book store lamers get tired of whining about the reality of supply and demand, they walk around the store and bitch about Bill Clinton's book. I'm not planning on buying this book, because I really don't want to read 900-pages of someone trying not to talk about a blowjob. I like books written by real writers, not celebrities gloating about themselves. But to spout off for ten minutes at the register about how the store should "get rid of those books", and how they "could maybe sell that book for five cents" is both annoying and idiotic. The book is a best seller, just like pretty much every president memoirs that have ever been released. Deal with it and quit whining.

When the conservative assbaggers get tired of their endless obsession with a man who hasn't been in office in four years, they walk around the book store and join the wacked-out liberals in a race to place books of their political preference on top of books that aren't of their political preference. Because that's cool. And it'll make people change their political beliefs. And it's almost as good a strategy as trying to power an automobile with farts.

Badger farts.

Then, when the store closes, the employees sigh deeply, take off their nametags, wipe the sweat from their brows, and carefully place pubes in every political book in the store. No joke. My mom told me so. If you ever see an employee at a book store smiling, it's because they're thinking about someone's reaction when they turn the page and find a curly stuck to it.

8/5 column rating (9 votes) Rate column 5 - Great 4 - Good 3 - Average 2 - Poor 1 - Awful

Reader Comments

page:   1 2

employeecomedy.typepad.com                      Katers      Aug 17, 2004 • 8:42pm   Wow, Scapegoat's taking alliteration to a whole new level. Paul Ryan      Aug 17, 2004 • 8:30pm   Slow day at work, Scapegoat? Scapegoat      Aug 17, 2004 • 8:11pm   Poopy Pauly Poked a Prick of Pickled Pubes. A Prick of Pubes Poopy Pauly Poked. If Poopy Pauly Poked a Prick of Pickled Pubes, Where’s the Prick of Pickled Pubes Poopy Pauly Poked? Johnny No Thumbs      Aug 17, 2004 • 6:54pm   Only 45 days until "National Steve Guttenberg Day"!

page:   1 2