Letters column 35: DVD/game rental companies don't like my reviews

I'm really, really enjoying the last few e-mails I've received. Pissing off regular people is fun, but pissing off businesspeople just makes my day.

A while back I posted detailed reviews of online DVD rental and online video game rental services. It's a given that whenever I write something about a person or business on this website, sooner or later they'll end up finding it. The smart people ignore me and move on with their lives, while the foolish majority send me angry e-mails that I post for your enjoyment.

Honestly, what do people think I'm going to do when they send me angry e-mails? Cry and slit my wrists? Get real. This is a humor website, after all.

Our first letter is from Daryl at Numbthumb Games. I gave Numbthumb a very good review, but Daryl ignored the sizable free publicity I gave them (the rental comparisons get a couple hundred hits a week), and decided to bitch at me instead for including the "stealing possible" category.

We stumbled upon your website while checking the referring links to our website . . . your webpage offers readers information about stealing games from companies. What you didn't mention is that it is a federal offense to do what your suggesting and can get you 5 years in prison and $5000 in fines.

As one of the owners of NumbThumb Games, I can tell you we loose a considerable amount of money in lost games and lost revenue due to stealing/mail fraud. We run a legitimate business and offer our customers excellent service but people like you seem to think you deserve free games. Because of you and people like you insurance rates are higher, products cost more (to cover theft), businesses close and people loose jobs.

Yes, but how much money do you loose [sic] because your [sic] not willing to use a spellchecker?

In all seriousness, I never "suggested" people should steal games or DVDs. I've never stolen a video game in my life. The reason that category was included is because it's information my readers wanted to know. I don't play judge or jury, I just give readers what they want. One of the best things about the Internet is the freedom to get any information we want, whether legal or not. People can use it to do bad things, if they so choose, but that's their choice.

However, the key phrase here is "if they so choose". In my review of Numbthumb, I specifically told people not to steal from the company, because of legal ramifications. And besides, Numbthumb has the toughest anti-theft rules around, so I sincerely doubt anyone's stealing from them. Ease up, Daryl. Smile a little. You got free publicity without spending a dollar. Asswipe.

The second and final letter comes from Matt at DVdango. Matt has more of a sense of humor than Daryl, but it's still fun to read his letter because you can easily sense the brutal hostility lying underneath.

Well I just finished reading your blazing critique of DVDango.com! I'd like to say thanks for opening my eyes to all of our/my faults, but then, somehow that just doesn't sound right.

I feel like taking up the 'ol battle ax and whack something, to defend my honour, to right an injustice... but then, an honest critique is just that. I guess I just need to figure out how to improve and get on with it.

I look where I started in January with this project - no capital, no backing, no web interface, no programmers, no inventory, no customers... Based on that short history, I think DVDango Online has come quite a ways. Yep, but still a ways to go...

NetFlix has been around 4+ years and started out with a couple hundred mil backing. Walmart started out buying a turnkey site and stocked it with its own ready made inventory and distribution system and a few .. how much money do they have??? We done good in comparison.

Now all I need to do is figure out how to turn all that "suckiness" into a great website. After all, our site was online all of two weeks before you found it and gave it a try!

Just a little underlying hostility there. But hey, if you're gonna compete with the big boys like Netflix and Walmart, you can't bitch when you don't compare well. Smaller companies have to offer users something they can't get from the big companies. Lower prices, better customer service, a huge selection of porn. Y'know, the basics. But perhaps Matt was right in not stocking porn. The time spent cleaning those sticky DVDs probably wouldn't be worth it.

In all seriousness, I was probably a little harsh in my review of DVdango when I said, "you may go blind from all the suckiness" or "the only thing that doesn't suck is the free trial, which reminds me, it's time to cancel mine". But it was funny! And really, it was true. Dvdango only has one plan to choose from and very few movies or features. But hey, Matt seems like a cool guy, and his company is easier to steal from than Numbthumb.

Oops. Did I type that out of spite? Yes, yes I did.

Anyway, what did we learn today, reader? We learned that the secret to online DVD and game rental is to copy the big companies exactly and then charge half as much. We also learned that renting porn through the mail is gross, and could cause seepage onto your mail carrier, who could sue you if he or she contracts the herpes virus. And we also learned that companies dumb enough to allow people to steal get exactly what they deserve.

The shaft. They get the shaft.

Ben Folds Similar to:  Um, Ben Folds. Duh. Ben Folds is insanely popular and nowhere near "unknown", but I'm making a special exception for this edition of WMS. Folds released an EP today, called "Super D". It's five great songs, including a remake of Ray Charles' "Them That Got" and the song I'm letting your preview today, the Darkness' "Get Your Hands Off My Woman". Is there anything better than hearing Folds slam on the piano while screaming "Get your hands off my woman, motherfucker" in a high-pitched voice? Not likely. Unfortunately, you can't get Folds' new CD in stores. You can either download the album from iTunes for $4.95, or buy it here for $5.98. Either way, it's worth your money. Instructions Music archives

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