It's Column Number 69!

Well, well. After all this time, it's column 69! That's right, this is the 69th Ramblings column that I have written. And might I say that 69-ing you is certainly a pleasure I've been looking forward to for quite some time.

I'm writing this column to let you know that it's the perfect time to tell your friends about this column, and this site in particular. To "69 them", if you will. Get out there, reader! Go "69" some people!

You could start by "69ing" your girlfriend or boyfriend. Perhaps they would be interested in this column. Later, you could "69" other members of the opposite sex, who you aren't dating. Afterwards, you could go back and "69" your girlfriend/boyfriend again. Then go "69" all your other friends. The more people you "69", the happier everyone will be.

I'll bet your mother would love to be "69ed". If your father is the open-minded type, you could "69" him during breakfast tomorrow morning. If he's stubborn, perhaps you'll need to "69" him more than once. Even if he doesn't like it at first, I'm sure he'll grow to love it once he gets used to it.

Hell, it doesn't even have to be someone you know. You could "69" the mailman when he comes to your door. I'm sure he'd appreciate it after a long day of working in the hot sun. You know that bar you go to? You could take this as a chance to walk up to that hot bartender and "69" them right there in front of everyone.

You enjoy this site, so why wouldn't everyone else? Start "69ing" everyone you see. Stand at a street corner near busy streets of town and "69" every person who walks by. You could put a tip jar on the ground, and if people enjoy it enough, they may just give you a few bucks for showing them a good time.

Some people make a big deal out of "69ing". They feel it's wrong to "69" people in public, when others may not appreciate such a thing. Well, you just tell them that if they don't like "69ing", there's no one there forcing them to watch.

All I ask is that you please don't try and "69" me. I've spent every day of the past month "69ing" people. I've "69ed" so many people, that I don't even realize when I'm getting the same person twice. So when I get home after a long day of "69ing", the last thing I want is to do it more. Why would anyone want to "69" me? I've obviously been around the block more times than anyone.

So here, reader, take THESE 69 CARDS. Print them out and distribute them. Let your friends, family and even random strangers know how fun it is to be "69ed". They'll thank you for it later.

You can even post some on a local bulletin board, at your favorite club or bar, or at a bus station. Today is a very special day, reader. Let's make it even more so by "69ing" everyone we see.