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Warning: include(/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader.php) [function.include]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/70.php on line 49 Warning: include() [function.include]: Failed opening '/home/fuddes/public_html/ramblings/ramblingsheader.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php:/usr/local/php5/lib/pear') in /home/fuddes/dailyramblings.com/ramblings/70.php on line 49 How Dare You Come To This Column Dressed Like That! ...................Paul Ryan
I realize that this site has had some problems this week. Some repairs are needed and it could be better, but things are working again. And that means people will be coming back here, so get some damn clothes on! What’s that? Are you laughing? Are you laughing at me? It’s sad how poorly you treat your own columnist. I slave for you. How dare you laugh at me and disrespect me. After all I’ve done for you. I put this column out here every day, and all I ask in return is that you not sit buck naked when you read it. Is this the respect I deserve? Is this all I’m worth to you? Why, I’m nothing but a maid to you, aren’t I? Sitting here, writing the column without one bit of help from you. Slaving over a hot computer on a summer day, and for what? So I can hear you say, “Oh, the column’s written? Get out of my way, you dumb whore.” We’ll see who the whore is, you ungrateful mutant. I’m setting some webpage rules. While you’re living under my webpage and reading my columns, you’re going to have to live according to my rules. Someday, when you’re hosting your own website and writing your own columns, you can be the one to make the rules. But under my rules, this column is going to clean up, and fast. Rule 1: No drinking soda pop in the website area. You might spill some on the columns. The columns aren’t scotchguarded. Rule 2: You will dress like an intelligent citizen while reading this column. I don’t care if your friends wear their undies and a codpiece while surfing their columnists. Their websites may have relaxed rules, but that doesn’t mean mine will. Rule 3: No farting. If one slips through the crevice in your cheeks, you will politely excuse yourself and say something to move the conversation along. What did you just say? Did you just say “this sucks”?!? Well, mister, YOU ARE GROUNDED! Two weeks! Rule 4: No cursing. I don’t want any motherfucking cursing on this goddamn fucking piece of shit site. It’s just inna-fucking-ppropriate. Got that, asshole? Rule 5: No pornography will be viewed here. I don’t care if you are 18 or older, I won’t have you surfing for porn as you read this column on this webpage. Except for the beastiality sites. I’m what you would call a bit of a softie when it comes to horses, so I’ll spring for that.
That’s all. My speech is done. You can go now, just as long as you put on some pants.
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Hey! Hey, you stupid bastard! How dare you come to this column dressed like that! What do you think this is? A restroom? Sitting there in your underpants reading this column. Unbelievable!
