Dear Apple Computers,
Thank you. You finally dumped IBM and went to Intel's faster, cooler-running processors. It's about damn time.
Don't get me wrong, your high-end Macintosh computers are fast (5.4 GHz with 8 GB of possible memory is nothing to sneeze at), and I've always argued for their speed, but your laptops and lower-end computers are seriously lagging behind. Only 1.67 GHz on your fastest laptop? Yikes. I'm glad you finally switched. Like many Mac users, I was tired of waiting for IBM to get competitive.
I'm sure a lot of Mac faithfuls are bitching and moaning about this switch, but it's for the best. Much like an employer has to fire someone who can't get their work done every day, you had to dump IBM for not keeping up with Intel. I'm sure many Mac fans will claim something or other makes a PowerPC processor "technically" faster, but they're like those people who claim all the herbs and natural crap in absinthe gets you high. The facts still remain: Absinthe gives me no hallucinogenic effect, and no one wants to pay big bucks for a 1.67 GHz laptop.
Five years from now, when your low-end computers are producing speeds similar to the quicker Windows-based computers, will anyone be complaining? I doubt it.
I'm sure there's other people who will complain about you choosing Intel processors over AMD, but I am uneducated about that issue, so I'm just going to pretend all the AMD fans are fat and smell like poopies. Ignorance is bliss! La la la!
Anyway, your future computers will not only be faster, but should also be easier to keep cool. As I understand it, the speed of your laptops hasn't been improved because you're working on a G5 Powerbook, but it isn't ready yet because it runs too hot. Hopefully, Intel's cooler-running processors will bring major speed increases for your laptops within the next year or two.
The switch to Intel and the x86 architecture should also speed up Virtual PC. Being able to run both OS X and a decently fast emulation of Windows XP on the same computer is quite the double threat. I've always been frustrated that Virtual PC is too slow for me to play the latest "Leisuresuit Larry" game on it.
Of course, even with all these positive changes, you'll still never compete with Windows for market share. Your computers will always be high-end and more expensive, but with the massive amount of people lately discovering how great OS X is, a speed increase will certainly improve sales.
Just promise me one thing. Don't put those goddamn "Intel inside" stickers on your computers. Your computers are pretty, and shouldn't have advertisement stickers on them. Also, next time you meet with Intel, tell them to drop the Blue Man Group ads. Those guys are fart queens.
I do not know what "fart queens" means. It just sounded neat. Sorry.
Since you folks at Apple seem to be in the changing mood, can I suggest a few other things? For starters, ditch your standard mouse for a two-button one with a scroll wheel. I don't really care, since I prefer to use my Logitech MX900 with your computers, but a decent standard mouse would be nice to have as a backup. Also, could you create an iPorn program, kind of like iTunes, but for porn? Sometimes I have trouble keeping my porn organized, and the brilliant smart playlists iTunes uses would work great.
With your new Intel chips, faster computers, and a DRM-free version of iPorn, you will be unstoppable.
