The following is Paul's work log from Thursday. This was my actual work day yesterday.
8:30 am: Slump into my chair, try to drink entire can of Coca-Cola in two minutes to keep from falling asleep.
8:32 am: Didn't work. Now I'm puke-burping every 10 seconds.
8:37 am: Maybe I'll put off work and surf the internet for 10 or 15 minutes.
11:30 am: Hold on, man. I want to finish reading this website on tree frogs.
11:45 am: It's only 15 minutes until lunch. I couldn't get anything done in only 15 minutes. I'm just going to stare at the wall until noon.
11:47 am: Before the newspaper moved in, this space housed a dental office. I think I can see the places where people clawed the walls.
11:58 am: My rolodex has 97 names in it. I dislike every single one of these people, and having lunch with any of them would be excruciatingly painful.
11:59 am: I wonder if Pizza Hut will bring beer to my office if I promise to tip extra.
noon: 30-minute lunch break begins now.
3 pm: Back from lunch. Call a few sources, get information on boring fluff story I've been assigned to but am not the least bit interested in writing.
3:30 pm: Done with interviews. I now have six pages of notes on new playground equipment for a freaking city park. The park is no different than any other one in any city in the entire United States of America.
3:31 pm: Search online to see which is cheaper: a handgun or a thick rope I can tie to a rafter in my apartment.
3:32 pm: Turns out the rope is cheaper, but I don't know how to tie a proper knot. Curse parents for not signing me up for Boy Scouts when I was little.
3:33 pm: Forget about horrid small-town life by doing more coding on Daily Ramblings website.
4 pm: Start writing boring article.
4:30 pm: Done writing boring article.
4:31 pm: Leave work early. Drive home. Drink beer while reading Hunter S. Thompson book and dreaming of writer job that doesn't make me hate writing.
7 pm: Drunk as a skunk. Everything is funny! Except "Everybody Loves Raymond" repeats on TV. Not even a gallon on gin could make those funny.
