Your IP address is .
Your browser is
Your computer platform is
Your screen resolution is
Since you started your browser, you have visited websites.
You are one of 6 people reading this column right now.
You came here through Google, searching for "asians with squirting vaginas".
Your last three searches were for "elaine seinfeld naked" and "recipe homemade roofies" and "how long avg? hard or soft? where start measuring?".
Your mother thinks about George Clooney during sex. Your father thinks about Don Mattingly. They enjoy the wheelbarrow position.
The last song your computer played was I Think We're Alone Now by Tiffany.
When friends ask, you tell them the last song you played was by The White Stripes.
You have 187 websites bookmarked. 172 of them are pornography.
The password for your e-mail account is laura1742. This is a combination of your ex-girlfriend's name and your two jersey numbers from high school sports. That is pathetic.
Your favorite number is 69. You think that's amusing. It's not.
The current time in your hometown is who the hell cares?
The last item you ordered from Amazon.com was Dorf on Golf. It is a VHS tape. It cost you $14.98. You plan to give it to your dad for his birthday. He will hate it.
You have donated $0.00 to Paul for the years of entertainment he's provided you with this website. Judging by how often you've laughed at his jokes, that was a good choice.
You think today's column is obnoxious. You plan to rate it 1 star. If you see Paul today, you will show your feelings about this column by kicking him in the balls.
