Dwendell: Hello, I'm Dwendell!
Wendell: And I'm Wendell!
Dwendell and Wendell: And here's our film reviews!
Dwendell: Wendell, what did you think of Dukes of Hazzard?
Wendell: I wanted to fucking kill myself!
Dwendell: I agree! Well said!
Wendell: Thank you for adding so much to the conversation, motherfucker!
Dwendell: Suck my cock with your tonsils, Wendell!
Wendell: Dwendell, what did you think of March of the Penguins?
Dwendell: Adorable! I loved it!
Wendell: I agree! Didn't you just want to cuddle with each and every one of the penguins?
Dwendell: Yes! Do you remember the part where some of the penguins abandoned their eggs because they were fearful of parenthood?
Wendell: Yes.
Dwendell: I wanted to fuck the eggs!
Wendell: Amazing!
Dwendell: I was aroused!
Wendell: One egg-white omelet, coming up!
Dwendell: With extra white!
Wendell: Because the white is your man goo!
Dwendell: Wendell, what did you think of Deuce Bigelow: European Gigolo?
Wendell: I loved it. It was a touching story that highlighted the plight of men who are forced into prostitution. As I followed Rob Schneider's character, I felt like I knew him. I felt like he was my gigolo. He is a beautiful man, and this was a beautiful film.
Dwendell: You're fucking kidding.
Wendell: Yes, I am!
Dwendell: Ha ha! You cum-smearing rascal! What a fool I am! I've got man yolk on my face after that trickery!
Wendell: You always have man yolk on your face, Dwendell! Because your father sleeps in your bed, and he has urges!
Dwendell: Stop it, Wendell, or I'll fuck your sister with a porcupine!
Wendell: Again? That's three times this week!
Dwendell: And your mother has an appointment for Tuesday! I'll have to rent a forklift to remove her from the toilet!
Wendell: Hey Dwendell, remember when I pissed all over your toilet seat?
Dwendell: No.
Wendell: I do!
Dwendell: Goddamn it!
Wendell: Dwendell, what did you think of Four Brothers?
Dwendell: I loved it! The violence! The seventies music! The revenge factor! It was an in-your-face explosion of suave violence!
Wendell: Are you kidding? Please tell me you're kidding.
Dwendell: I wasn't kidding when I said I was molesting your son, and I'm not kidding now.
Wendell: Oh, that's very classy, Dwendell, making a joke about fucking my son. Grow up and stop suckling on that hooker's teat. The film was like a half-dissolved turd in a glass of rural tap water: It was terrible, and after consuming it, I wished I hadn't known it was there. John Singleton should be directing instructional ass wiping videos for children.
Dwendell: Wendell, you pillow humping son of a bitch. Did your father fuck you in the eye when you were an infant? This film was stupendous.
Wendell: He did fuck me in the eye during my infancy, but that has no effect on my review. Please don't try to defend this movie. It had a fucking ghost mom in it. A ghost mom! They could have used flashback scenes to show what the mother was like, but no! They actually threw in a goddamn ghost mom! My anus has squirted better scripts into train station toilets.
Dwendell: Remember when your anus squirted something similar into a towel at the beach?
Wendell: Your daughter had it coming, Dwendell.
Dwendell: She certainly did.
Wendell: What a little bitch.
Dwendell: Tell me, Wendell, have you seen The Forty Year Old Virgin?
Wendell: Why would I need to? I know your wife, and you haven't had sex with her in just as long!
Dwendell: That's because I'm too busy having sex with your wife.
Wendell: Oh really? Well you might be intrigued to know that I'm feeding your daughter Wendell Sausages™ after you go to sleep at night.
Dwendell: That's interesting. Your wife was just talking about your pedophilia this morning as I was firing a load into her ovaries.
Wendell: Honestly Dwendell, you wouldn't know a fallopian tube unless they were acquired through vending machines.
Dwendell: Are you calling me fat?
Wendell: You and your whole Mama Cass family, fucko.
Dwendell: Touche.
Wendell: I know. The bucket of lard that is your family was your undoing. If that failed, I was also going to mention your flaccid, crooked, Pee Wee Herman style penis.
Dwendell: Okay, I think we're done here.
