Mail? I have to answer friggin' mail during unemployment? This is my time, you little bastards. This sucks. Our first e-mail is from ZhouJun Jie from Beijing, China.
hi,I think maybe you can come to China or a while, and be a English teacher. I am not sure if you know that Being a English teacher(those who comes from English speaking country) pays about $50,000 a year in Beijing or Shanghai, and what is more is that Chinese chicks do fancy foreigners.
Sweet! I'm moving to China. Granted, I don't know Chinese, so that might make it difficult to teach anything, but . . . oh, wait. There's more. The letter wasn't done yet.
I heard of a black man who got AIDS fucked about twenty Shanghai beautiful college girls, though the black are regularly considered unattractive in China. As for I think you can fuck as many as you want. and China do have some beautiful place to go, and it does not cost much.
Wait. So there's twenty beautiful college girls in Shanghai who have HIV? No deal. I mean, I love those Asian school girls - hell, what man wouldn't? - but no deal.
Our next letter is from Eve in Columbia, SC. She wants to marry me. What the hell is wrong with her?
We have never met, but based on a quick perusal of your recent blog entries, I believe you are the man for me. I am in awe of your good looks and many talents. I am a law student at the University of South Carolina. Wouldn't you like to settle down with a nice career woman in a warm climate? Will you marry me?
I need a picture of you first. Oh, to hell with it. Who am I kidding? I'm unemployed. You're in. Our next letter, pending approval from my rich new wife, is from Leny in Burney, CA.
I'm sitting in my buddy's office drinking beer, and remembering core class in Burney. Told my buddy it would be fun to touch base with you again, and he knew how to type on the computer. Haven't seen Rob in years, or you. Read about you being a recluse in a cabin in Northern California. What's a recluse,Teach? Just wanted to say HIGH!!!!
Did he misspell "hi", or was he referring to marijuana? Either way, I'm jealous. Not of the teacher this guy thinks I am, but of the guy himself. Drinking beer in his buddy's office? And unable to type on the computer? I'm imagining a paraplegic getting wasted. And I'm jealous of that paraplegic. And that paraplegic is in California, a place I have yet to move to. Bastard.
Our next letter is from "The real p-bomb" in Geneseo, IL. He's apparently angry that I took the name P-Bomb.
sup g-dawg, even though u r white, u talk ghetto. by the by, p-bomb is already taken and copyrighted, so get a real name homie!
Oh yeah? Well even though you imply you're not white, you said "by the by", which is more caucasian than Carrottop doing his taxes while on a cruise. Either way, this column is over 500 words, and I'm done. It's Monday, and I don't have to work more than necessary.
