One of my favorite websites is GoFugYourself, where celebrities are brutally mocked for the horrendous outfits they wear.
No, I'm not gay. Thanks for asking. It's just a funny and well-written blog.
The website has inspired me to look at entertainment image websites myself, in search of embarrassing celebrity photos I could mock. Unfortunately, I have no interest in fashion, so I'll only be mocking the celebrities for ugliness, whorishness, senility, infertility, weight problems, unintended obscurity, lack of proper jazz hands, perceived drunkenness, and overall potpourri of stupidity. Let's begin.
At first I thought photographers had just caught a sunburned Jimmy Kimmel in a weird pose, but no. Lookee here at the other pictures. Kimmel is wasted.
This was at the premiere of Sarah Silverman's new movie, "Jesus is Magic". It's a shame there aren't more photos from the event, because right now it looks like the only people who showed up for her movie were her ugly sister, a drunken Kimmel, and a slightly-less-drunken Bobcat Goldthwait. Ouch.
Ashlee Simpson looked smarter as a brunette. Kind of. Can we shoot her now? Like a very pretty yet fatally impaired horse?
Who just went poopy in his pants? Who just went poopy in his pants! That's right! It was you! You did it, Paul McCartney! Hooray!
Can you seriously look at those photos and tell me with a straight face that Paul McCartney isn't senile as all hell? C'mon. The crazy homeless cat lady on The Simpsons looks more coherent than he does. Plus, he's totally copying President Bush's "planes are hitting the world trade center while I read a book about goats" look from 9/11. That's like stealing "Blue Steel" from Derek Zoolander.
Remember when Jon Favreau was a young studly dude? Me neither, but now he looks like someone's middle-aged uncle who doesn't have kids of his own so he shows up to birthday parties all smiley and talking loud and sorta looking like he's gonna cry for a minute but he doesn't he just starts rubbing everyone's shoulders and telling them how grown up they look.
Rod Stewart, Randy Quaid, Antonio Banderas. Is the Hollywood Walk of Fame having a sale this week?
She needs help. Seriously. I'm not trying to be funny with this one. Nicole Richie needs to get some help. Look at her posing like she's actually proud of her creepily thin body. It's a disease, people, and her fiance or one of her friends needs to step up and say enough is enough. Intervention? Intervention.
Aww. Poor Benji Madden. I guess if my twin brother was doing the heavy breathing dance with Hilary Duff and all I had was my crappy guitarist role in my poseur band "Good Charlotte", where my twin brother Benji does the lead vocals, I'd probably be drinking heavily at Duff's eighteenth birthday party too. And wearing my plain black hat. And a hoodie that says "DC Flag", but kind of looks like "DC Fag" when I'm slouching and trying not to cry.
By the way, I have copyrighted the phrase "heavy breathing dance". Don't try to use it or there will be violence.
