I'm not a movie reviewer, so I only have time to see a limited number of movies each year. Therefore, the following films won't be included because I haven't seen them: Broken Flowers, Brokeback Mountain, Capote, Cinderella Man, The Constant Gardener, Fred Durst's homemade sex tape, A History of Violence, March of the Penguins, Memoirs of a Geisha, Munich, Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic, Shopgirl, Senior Fellatio's Slophouse Favorites #47, The Squid and the Whale, Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, and Walk the Line.
So no complaining if you don't see those ones on this list. Feel free to leave hateful, angry comments about the choices I did make, though.
10. Star Wars: Episode III
I know, I know! Relax and quit complaining! I reserved the last two spots on this list for mindless entertainment, and even though everyone knew the ending beforehand, and even though George Lucas can barely write believable dialogue for a freaking muppet, this movie was still amazing. It entertained me, which was more than I could say for most of this year's summer blockbusters.
9. Batman Begins
My roommate described this movie as "Only half as mediocre as expected." I thought it was nearly perfect. Showing how Bruce Wayne created the Batcave and all his crime-fighting gadgets, rather than relying on the cheesy "he's a mystery man" ploy, made this blockbuster a winner. The only flaw was having to watch Christian Bale make his "Christian Bale face" throughout the film. You can do it at home, if you like. Just pucker your lips and squint. Then film it for two hours and make millions.
8. Good Night, and Good Luck
Is the story of newsman Edward R. Murrow battling against senator Joseph McCarthy outdated? Not if you've been watching the news lately. Compared to toady windbags like Dan Rather, Murrow was like watching God read the news. David Strathairn (Murrow) and his supporting cast deserve every award available for painting that picture clearly.
7. The 40 Year Old Virgin
All the reviewers claim this was a "movie with heart" and all that crap. They're liars. It's a horribly filthy movie with no redeeming qualities, and I love it to death. But unlike the reviewers, I don't need to create an excuse to love lowbrow comedy. Steve Carrell is the new Will Ferrell.
6. King Kong
Wow. I sincerely hope it's Naomi Watts that's giving me this huge boner.
5. Syriana
Does George Clooney deserve a best supporting actor Oscar, like everyone claims? Not necessarily. Does Matt Damon's complete lack of acting range really show in this movie? SWEET LORD, YES. But this movie is still one of the best political films in recent years. The lesson in the movie, about the oil business, is complicated but well worth the effort to figure out. See my previous review for more details.
4. The Aristocrats
A documentary about a dirty joke is the #4 movie? What am I, crazy? Maybe so, but it's been a long time since a movie made me laugh so hard that tears were running down my face. The film starts out a little sluggish, but by the time it ends, your stomach will be sore from laughing, and you'll find yourself repeating the line "Joe Franklin raped me" to complete strangers.
3. Crash
Racism in Los Angeles? You're kidding! This movie is powerful yet easy to follow, and makes some great points about modern racism. It's a problem which seems to be ignored more now than ever, and "Crash" shows its root causes and consequences. I was particularly surprised by all the strong performances from actors you wouldn't normally think of as "great": Sandra Bullock, Brendan Fraser, Matt Dillon, Ryan Phillippe, Ludacris, and Nona Gaye. I wonder if Nona Gaye snorts cocaine.
2. The Weather Man
Holy crap, did this movie get panned by people. I think I'm the only person who liked it. It's a "dark comedy", which in Hollywood speak means the ending isn't some ridiculously perfect fairy tale. But it's not a depressing ending either, like some have claimed. It's just truthful. You win some battles in life and you lose some, and there's nothing depressing about finding the good in your life and celebrating it. Nicolas Cage is perfect for this deadpan role, and there's plenty of laughs to lighten up the movie's somber plot. Even if you hate Nicolas Cage, wouldn't you like to see him get hit with a Mr. Frosty?
1. Kung Fu Hustle
I can't say enough about this hilarious spoof of kung-fu movies. Even if you took out all the comedy, the movie would still be amazing as a regular martial arts film. But it's the humor that sets it apart from everything else you've ever seen. Legendary director Stephen Chow, who also plays the lead, does everything from tongue-in-cheek to Looney Tunes style jokes, all of them hitting the mark. I don't even own the DVD, but I've already seen it a dozen times. I've spent more hours watching this movie than Kate Moss spent snorting "L's" off Leonardo DiCaprio's penis yesterday. And that's saying a lot.
