Was there a hurricane yesterday? A deeply harmful hurricane that damaged lots of homes and caused problems with our country's oil and gasoline supply? Surely there must have been a natural disaster of some sort on Thursday.
No? No hurricanes? Huh. Then I wonder what caused the spike in gas prices. Here in Minnesota, the price of gas went from $2.07/gallon on Wednesday to $2.29/gallon on Thursday, an increase of 22 cents. Something major must have happened to cause this massive single-day ten percent price increase.
Are you sure there wasn't a hurricane somewhere? What about those famous Texas hurricanes that take out our oil fields and cause shortages? Perhaps a hurricane destroyed the massive amount of oil fields in Florida and Louisiana. Y'know, Louisiana is our country's biggest provider of oil, so those hurricanes are just awful for gas prices.
No hurricanes? Weird. Call me befuddled.
Was there a jihad? Damn it, I can feel it! I can feel the effects of the evil jihad reverberating throughout America. There must have been a jihad. Of course, I'm always behind on that sort of thing, mainly because I have no idea what a jihad is. I only know that it makes America sad and somehow raises our gas prices. Terrorism always causes a gas price increase, even though terrorist actions rarely target oil production. Y'know, since oil is what funds most terrorist groups.
You're kidding me. No jihads lately? Wow. Interesting. I heard they released another Osama bin Laden tape today, but gas prices went up before that news came out. The CIA didn't even know about the tape until this afternoon. I guess it must have been something else that raised gas prices.
Is it a holiday? Lots of people travel on holidays, causing a massive shortage of gas. Nope. Today's not a holiday, and none are coming up this weekend. It's just a regular two-day weekend coming up.
Perhaps it's the cold winter. An especially cold winter decreases America's oil inventory, leading to higher prices. Hmm. Nope. It's 30-40 degrees here. Pretty warm for January.
Any major turmoil in the Middle East on Thursday? I mean, more so than on Wednesday? The newspapers aren't showing any major attacks or suicide bombings on Thursday. I wonder why prices increased when there's no new turmoil affecting oil producers. Strange.
Is there a shortage of gas, like in the late-70s? Surely there must be a shortage, because that's the only remaining reason why prices would go up. Let me look out the window and see if there's a line at the gas station. Nope. No line. Let me call the gas station and ask if they're out of gas. Hello, yes, do you have any gas left? Really. Can I purchase as much as I want? I can. Is there enough for anyone who wants to buy some? There is. If you run out of gas, can you get more immediately? You can. Thank you, you've been very helpful. Goodbye.
Well shit. There's no natural disasters, no recent changes in the Middle East situation, no increase in usage or demand, no depletion of supply from exceptionally cold weather, and no shortages of any kind. Yet every two weeks or so, the price of gas increases by 20 cents overnight.
I guess they're just fucking us.
